NORTHWEST AIRLINES - TAKING YOU BEYOND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO!!!!

Northwest Airlines today announced a new marketing slogan - TAKING YOU BEYOND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.

Executives at the airline said that while they are trying to figure out what REALLY happened in that cockpit (does anyone buy the 'looking at work schedules on laptop computers' story?), they feel they can take advantage of a commercial opportunity.

Effective Saturday the 31 of October, the airline will guarantee that all passengers will be able to go at least 150 miles beyond where they want to go and at no extra charge.

'Tell us where you want to go', said Kurt Unlikelystory, Northwest VP of Sales, 'and we will take you way beyond that. We call it our Destination Plus programme.'

Mr Unlikelystory also announced that effective October 31, all Northwest cockpits would be equipped with the Guitar Hero game.

I-PHONE LAUNCHING BALLOON HOAX DETECTOR

Steve Jobs, invigorated from his liver transplant, has announced that the i-phone and google are collaborating to produce dynamite software which will enable i-phone users to detect balloon hoaxes.

Media outlets will be able to avoid devoting four hours or more of following flying saucer balloons constructed from tin foil and string floating through the air - just press the BHD (Balloon Hoax Detector) button.

Law enforcement can, by aiming the i-phone at small children, be able to detect hoaxes days before the small children reveal any hoaxes on national television.

Talking heads will be able to detect hoaxes without having to wait for small children to puke on national television.

In the event that media outlets do not use their BHD capability and broadcast endless hours of live coverage to floating tin foil flying saucers, i-phone operators will be able to switch their television viewing to endless re-runs of the Wizard of Oz by simply pressing their BHD button.

Wall Street reacted positively to the announcement and Apple stock jumped $12 in today's trading.

FOR WHOM THE 'NO-BELL' TOLLS......

We admit it.

Even TT was surprised that O was awarded this year's Nobel Prize for Peace. It was a nice touch though that he left a 'war council' meeting to publicly acknowledge and accept the award.

In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have been too surprised. Word on the street is that he is a shoe-in for an Academy Award, very likely to be named NFL Player of the Year and has acquired a tiaria in anticipation of being named Miss Universe.

Our question is who nominated him ??? We don't have 50 years to wait for the answer. We can narrow the possibilities down slightly because we KNOW he wasn't nominated by one William Jefferson Clinton!