IT IS BETTER TO GIVE....AND GIVE....AND GIVE...

TT has been deluged by requests for infomation on what gifts might give us particular glee this approaching holiday season.

TT readers are well known for their generosity but also their desire not to be repititious, no matter how delighted TT might have been with a particular gift.

We do understand that for the giver, it may seem a bit boring to bestow yet ANOTHER island or fractional share in a luxury jet. We would only remind you that in TTs world, a girl can never have too many islands (or chateaux) and fractional shares can always be increased (1/2 is always better than 1/3 we think).

However, in the interests of responding to overwhelming reader pressure TT will, periodically, make some alternate gift suggestions.

For example, TT would be quite delighted to receive one of the new no-contact jackets. Not only is it stylish (a MUST for TT) but is a serious addition to 'personal defence technology'.

If the wearer feels threatened or, more likely in TTs case, annoyed or irritated by someone, one can activate a switch in the palm which pulses an 80,000 volt electrical pulse through the jacket material - of course you need to check the insulation periodically or the jacket could have unfortunate consequences for the wearer!

Even when the jacket has not been activated, it apparently crackles with tiny visible electical arcs - TT could definitely make quite an entrance with one of these. Gives the moniker, 'electrifying' a whole new meaning!!

So, for those who would rather not give TT another island (we will definitely not refuse one, especially if it comes with a luxury villa) this gift can be researched byCLICKING HERE ON NO CONTACT FASHION ACCESSORY..

We are already drawing up a short list of persons we want to try this out on - none of them are people who have given TT an island, a yacht, big sparkly bling bling or fractional shares in a variety of conspiciously opulent goods!!

THE MOTHER OF ALL PHOTO OPS

All right, TT will admit it. George W. Bush finally gave us Shock and Awe in Iraq!!

His Thanksgiving Stealth Strike on Baghdad(complete with organic turkey and all the trimmings) left even a cynical TT gaping.

We LOVE to bash George W (but maybe you hadn't noticed?) and we have not changed our views about Iraquistan BUT hats off to George for a breathtaking (and dare we say bold, even brave?) show of leadership.

Poor old Hillary got left to eat her Afghani turkey in the small print (did you even know she was there?) in the back pages - if mentioned at all.

Whatever photo ops (and this was surely the Mother of All Photo Ops) were spawned , it couldn't quite take away from the fact that George left the Safety Net of all Safety Nets to fly into probably the most dangerous place on earth right now - to serve turkey and the fixings to the troops.

Even TT has got to tip our top knot on this one! We cannot help but wonder though....did George realize that he was serving up a meal that experts (those Atkins people!!)estimated was between 2000 and 8000 calories???

Surely they have it wrong. We have had it on good authority that gravy served on the side doesn't count and sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and pecan pie are considered to be either fruits or vegetables!

We think its particularly duplicitous of the Atkins people to put out such disinformation. And, the assessment that one would need to walk at least TWELVE hours to work it off is ---- well, talk about killjoy (well, yes I WOULD like another piece of pecan pie -- need another serving of fruit for the day, thanks).



NOTE: TT also knows that leftovers have half the calories and fat of the original meal. Something to do with the fat and calories evaporating overnight. Bon appetit!!

TT - FASHION MAVEN

TT rarely speaks of it, but we are widely regarded as a fashion maven, a trendsetter, always tres cutting edge (ok, sometimes even over the edge!).

It was TT who started the wildly (and globally) popular hair-do which became known as "Le TopKnot", followed by the equally popular "Medusa".

It was also TT who was the first (and, ok...also the last) to sport flowered shoes (with a stylishly floral purse to accompany them). Well, yes, there were a few problems with canines but fashion is a force which cannot be stopped. We remain undaunted (and beloved by small animals).

TT readers are the first to hear about our newest fashion statement - well, really more a fashion paragraph.

We are finishing up an entire winter clothing line in LUMINEX - if you like glitter and sequins (all fashion mavens do) then you are in for a treat with TTs Luminex Line.

Just in case you weren't aware, Luminex is fabulous new material that literally GLOWS. It actually gives off its own light (definitely a TT material). This isn't some B class Day Glow. Teeny Tiny optical fibres, developed for super serious high energy physics experiments, are woven into ordinary material (along with the battery that provides the power).

In a special one-off, TT is sharing with readers a glipse of a more luminous than usual TT.CLICK HERE ON TT SHIMMERS AND PAY PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO PHOTO 4. Needless to say, like famous restaurant critics, TTs face cannot be shown.

At a mere $360 a meter, believe me you will soon be seeing this even in the darkest of corners!!



NOTE: TT readers who wish to be among the first of their friends to shimmer shamelessly, can place their orders at rootvegies@aol.com. Buy early enough and you can save buying Christmas/Holiday Lights!!!

GARAGOS GETS TO TRIPLE HIS 15 MINUTES OF FAME

Having OD'd on things Royal, TT can now turn our attention to more important things - many of which are happening in California!!

Frankly, finding out that HRH Liz has Tupperware containers of her breakfast cereals on the table in the mornings and that she often has her dinner in front of the TV watching soap operas - is just TOOOOOO much ordinariness for this Turnip!!! If we want downscale entertainment, we can look at our own breakfast table. There is now nothing more for the butlers, valets or footmen to reveal.

Recovering from our Royal wallow,we noted with interest that Mark Geragos, uber celebrity lawyer du jour, has now picked up Michael Jackson as a client.

With Jackson's arrest and even school bands declining to play his songs, TT is assuming that deposing the King of Pop has left a power vacuum. Given TT's vast wardrobe of sequined outfits and moonwalking capabilities, we are at least a very solid candidate to replace him - until Mark Geragos convinces a jury that the molestation was the act of a satanic cult. Wonder if that would be the same satanic cult that killed the wife of his other client ,Scott Peterson, or would this be a different satanic cult??? It IS California. If we are to believe Geragos, there must be satanic cults growing on trees out there!!

Frankly, TT finds The Deposed King of Pop to be a thoroughly repulsive personae but it does seem a tad hypocritical for a highschool band and Macy's to decide not to play an over-rehearsed version of Thriller because of the arrest.

Makes us wonder whose songs they can play. Pat Boone? Surely not R. Kelly's. Surely not virtually any pop musician one can think of - isn't one of the prerequisites of being a pop star that you must be thoroughly debauched and been arrested at least a few times ??? Makes TT a less optimal candidate, of course, to assume the King of Pop title.

So, Mark Ubiquitous Garagos can now slither between courtrooms while he defends Peterson and Jackson. TT wonders who ought to be most displeased. Should Peterson be more displeased about his lawyer defending an accused child molester that everyone thinks is guilty. Or, should Jackson be more displeased that Geragos is defending a wife and baby killer that everyone KNOWS is guilty? Hard to know.

Geragos has carved out an ever expanding 45 minutes of fame representing a long line of innocents like Wyonna Ryder ("just because the videotape shows her shoplifting doesnt mean she is shoplifting")and scuzzie Gary Condit ("I am not a perfect man" - well, that is certainly true).

TT wonders how Geragos missed out on representing Phil 'Wall of Sound' Spector against murder charges - but then, it is early days in that little drama.

TT thinks there really should be a consolidation of the Jackson/Peterson trials so that neither defendant gets shortchanged by Geragos' absence while tending to the other. Certainly, the defence sounds like it can be merged into the " I didn't do it, but if I did, the Devil Made Me Do It" defence.

TT readers who are unfamiliar with Geragos' smirking face can check out his lawfirm's website BY CLICKING HERE ON THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT, IF I DID IT BUT I DIDNT - A SATANIC CULT DID.

Certainly with all of these goings ons, not to mention the Terminator taking over the levers of power in California (we can hardly wait for the special effects to kick in), TTs eyes are on California - in fact, we may just have to move there for a while to keep our fingers on the pulse!!



NOTE: TT does not encourage two way communication with readers but those who just cannot help themselves can always spew their thoughts to a TT clone or hanger on at rootvegies@aol.com

WHAT THE FOOTMAN SAW....

We hate to say, ' we told you so' (actually, we love to say, 'we told you so'), but WE TOLD YOU SO!!!

Only yesterday, TT observed a security flaw in the 'ring of steel' around The Palace where The Texan is to stay while visiting Liz and his alter-ego, Dubbya Blair. Amid the cars- that- think- they -are- tanks, the anti-missile machinery, invincible tires, extra Presidential blood and Quizzillions of heavily armed G men mobilized to protect the American President, TT noted that security gurus had failed to see the threat INSIDE 'the ring of steel' - a squadron of butlers, valets and footmen.

Well, not 24 hours later, we now hear that a journalist from the Mirror (the official voice of Butlers, Valets and Footmen with stories to tell) managed to get himself hired at the Palace two months ago and blew the whistle and departed only the Texan and his consort arrived (he watched them meet Liz) and were due in the Presidential bedroom. Did we not warn about the vulnerability of the bedroom????

The journo/footman was not hired without a reference of course. Some anonymous customer drinking in a Welsh pub where the journo had claimed to work, confirmed that he knew the wannabe Footman. So much for eye-scans and fingerprints. Even a Google search would have revealed the 'footman' as to be a journalist from The Mirror. Go figure.

In his two months on staff, the Footman had been shown all the secret keys to the Kingdom, served Liz tea with plenty of opportunity to slip the odd poison oak leaf into one of her beverages of choice, photographed a Princely bedroom (complete with fuzzy animals and snaps of the ex-wife) and got a good series of snaps of the Texan's bedroom to be. So much for the 'ring of steel'!

Of course, TT was wrong about one thing. The Footman will not be selling his story of inside nuggets to the highest bidder. He is on salary so you can get it all for the cost of a newspaper. The Footman's inside scoop can be wallowed in BY CLICKING HERE ON - INSIDE THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM -WHAT THE FOOTMAN SAW.





NOTE: Notes of adulation for TT's clairvoyance can be sent, as usual, to rootvegies@aol.com

DUBBYA EMBARKS IN REACH OUT AND TOUCH NOBODY TOUR

Tony Bush will be sleeping at Buckingham Palace tonight, surrounded by a 'ring of steel'. Yes, we think it is the same secure palace that allowed an intruder over the walls and into Liz' bedroom some years ago.

This will be different - 5000 London police will be on duty and the Texan is bringing 700 of his own security G men. (gosh, is there any one left to guard Dick Cheney?) No word on where the hoards of G men will be sleeping. Or, maybe tough guys don't sleep.

The 'ring of steel' around the palace was still a bit plastic today as a 62 year old grandmother managed to scale the 12 foot fence (at her age, surely she deserves some credit for athleticism?)and, while suspended for a couple of hours, still managed to hang an upside down American flag with her displeasure at the Bush visit scrawled upon it.

It is being hyped as unprecedented security. TT believes that for sure.

There will be Spook Wagons (Chevrolet Suburbans holding the Presidential protection team armed with Sig Sauer P229 pistols, shotguns, and Stinger anti aircraft missiles, along with a machine gun mounted in an estate car), Military ambulances complete with surgeons, plasma banks of the President's own blood and a mini operating room, Communications Vehicles and more. Not even Ahnold the Terminator could get close to this lot.

No open carriage ride with Liz for this President. He will be encased in Stagecoach,(love the Western theme) the car that thinks its a tank.

A modest 22 feet long, the Presidential vehicle has shred and puncture-resistant tires with special rims underneath that would enable it to streak off at 65 mph even if the tires are blown away. The car, which can withstand a direct hit by a 5 pound landmine, has James Bondian "defence accessories" like night vision cameras, tear gas cannons, more of the President's blood (has he got enough left?), a complete firefighting system, an unjammable switchboard, a foam filled non-exploding petrol tank and a twin 'tank' carrying the military aide who has the authority to launch a nuclear strike. Whew, we sure are glad to hear that last one. Even if some evil doer manages to take out the Texan, we can still have nuclear war!

Frankly,this is all well and good but we think the American security gurus have missed the obvious. The President will be sleeping under the same roof as a nest of randy butlers, valets and footmen (not to mention, that which cannot be mentioned but has been denied).

Surely even if we believe 10 % of the goings-on Upstairs and Downstairs, at least two dozen butlers, valets and footmen will immediately be in the market to sell the 'secrets' they learn from The Pres' visit (briefs or boxers? Kings size, Queen size or twin beds? The positioning of the butter balls on the 'wake up' tray) and we really have to worry about those lusty butlers after years of little more enticing than a few pathetic royals.

TT thinks they have it all wrong. The Ring of Steel that couldnt quite keep away a granny from scaling the palace gate really ought to be INSIDE the palace and around the President's bed!!!!CLICK AND CHECK OUT GRANNY AND THE STAGECOACH FOR MORE DETAILS ON THE REACH OUT AND TOUCH NOBODY TOUR..





NOTE: TT generally ignores readers comments and views but if you must express them, send them to rootvegies@aol.com. You never know, a clone may respond.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT GOES BETTER WITH VOGNE ROMANEE

This week, three executives from Elf, the now privatized French State oil company, got sentanced to jail terms for fraud and graft, having plundered the company of hundreds of millions of dollars for their personal use.

A fabulous French chateau, a luxury Left Bank Apartment in Paris,expensive renovations to a mega fabulous island villa, central Paris luxurious apartments for mistresses and company funded payoffs to X - wives,

Meanwhile in a New York courtroom, jurors have been hearing all about how ex-Tyco CEO, Dennis Kozlowski, used gobs of corporate money(prosecutors say $600 million was siphoned off by DK and his minion) to fund expensive renovations to expensive Mega-Mansions, pay for opulent Manhattan apartments for mistresses and pay offs to an X wife.

Neophytes can be forgiven if they see tedious similarity in these nefarious goings-on.

There is, of course ,one very compelling difference .Whatever else the French crooks may have been guilty of, they were not guilty of bad taste. No $6000 golden shower curtains or anatomically correct ice sculptures spewing frozen vodka from appendages for the French. At least in the hierarchy of crime, the French have yet to transgress the boundaries of chic and style.

Then there is the case of one Mr Khodorkovsky, Russia's 40 year old mega squillionaire. He has not - yet - been found guilty of anything beyond having gone from doing carpentry work to supplement his meagre income to Russia's richest man in less than a decade. He is charged with ebezzlement, tax evasion fraud (yawn). The usual litany of corporate transgressions.

Now, TT believes in innocence until guilt is proven (well, maybe not always!). It is still quite possible that Mr Khodorkovsky was a very very skilled carpenter. Unlike Mr Golden Shower Curtain or the more refined thieves who plundered Elf, Mr Khodorkovsky lives pretty modestly - no flashy villas, he dresses more like a casual Bill Gates than a silk suited Kozlowski and (YIKES) wears a plastic watch!!

Thieves, it would seem, still reflect their cultural identities.

And, if one needed more reinforcement of that principle, one has only to look at the reactions to their crimes (or alleged crimes).

The French shake their heads and all go out for an expensive (expense account funded) dinner to talk endlessly(and repetitively) about the egregious behaviour of these executives (washed down by $100 a glass 1982 Vosgne Romanee Grand Cru Classe).

In the case of Mr Khodorkovsky, world financial markets quake,world leaders express concern, pundits presage the collapse of the free market system and talk darkly about the return of Communism. Huh? Is there ANYONE who made any money in Russia through the 90's who ISN'T guilty of these crimes - or worse?

Then bless their hearts, there are the Americans. Quattrone, Ebbers, Fastow, Skilling, Lay, Kozlowski,Grubman, Schusy, are just a few of the growing list of corporate executives charged or under investigation for looting and plundering their companies . But, you don't hear anyone wondering if capitalism will survive in Ameria. Is Democracy at Risk?? No one is suggesting the collapse of the global financial markets or the emergence of dark and dangerous forces (beyond the ones we all see every day).

Au contraire, the entrepreneurial free-enterprise system is alive and well in America. For only $12.95 you can purchase The Stacked Deck - 52 cards (you dont have to be original to make money), each one featuring one of your favourite corporate evil doers.CLICK ON THE STACKED DECK-CORPORATE AMERICA'S LEAST WANTED - AND HELP KEEP CAPITALISM FLOURISH.

WHEN A WAKE UP TRAY ISN'T BREAKFAST

The loud whooshing sound you hear is HRH Prince Charles' sigh of relief - he is probably the only person in Britain who is happy that Tony Bush is in London next week for meetings with Dubbya Blair (gosh, how are we supposed to tell them apart when they are both in the same city at the same time???).

The infamous allegation (that which cannot be discussed but which must be denied) continues to be fuelled by an apparently infinite supply of butlers, valets and footmen with observations to make. We have butlers telling us the non-discussable allegation couldn't happen because Charles never took breakfast in bed and yet another butler saying it couldn't happen because the accuser was too junior to take the Prince his 'wake-up' tray.

Apparently, a 'wake-up' tray is NOT breakfast. It is tea and toast(cup and saucer always to the right, a silver spoon always pointing outwards at an angle of 5 o-clock, plate crests pointing to 12 o'clock, precisely THREE balls of chilled butter and royal toast, always served in a silver rack - never a plate). So, when this guy says the Prince could NOT have done the things we cannot discuss, he clearly speaks with authority - now, if the allegation had involved a 'wake-up' tray.......

With a staff of 85, we suspect that butlers, valets and gardners will be providing fodder for quite some time to come.

While the London police mobilize an extra 4000 police to restrain those who are not so thrilled to have Tony Bush coming to town, HRHPC(His Royal Highness Prince Charles) can be relieved for the diversion and the arrival of someone less popular than he. Tony will land with 700 security people and 150 'foreign policy' advisors (we knew he was weak in foreign policy but who would have thought he would need 150 to travel with him to ENGLAND. Imagine how many it would require were he to venture to Iraquistan?)

Till the Bush effigy is downed a la Stalin/Hussein and the Cowboy returns to his ranch, HRHPC can breathe a sigh of at least temporary relief (I would watch for revelations from the valet who lays out the six ties and pre-cufflinked shirt for him every morning though).

Of course, if one more gay man jumps up with unsolicited but emphatic opinions that HRHPC is neither gay nor bi-sexual, it might take a while for the undiscussable to run its course. HRHPC might want to consider laying low and hiring Guy Ingle.CLICK ON CHARLES IMPERSONATOR for more background on Mr Ingle who, just possibly may be the person at the heart of the allegations which cannot be discussed but must be denied!!

DENIABLE BUT NOT DISCUSSABLE

Taking note of the Prince of Wales Rules of Scandal Management, TT is issuing a pre-emptive statement.

Any lurid, salacious and scandalous allegations are untrue. Each seemy, succulent and titillating detail is 'ludicrous and risive' (we really like the word risive!).

Sordid, purient allegations of a non-sexual nature are simply not true and we categorically deny each and every juicy little detail..

We cannot address the substance of these tantalizingly delicious allegations, nor can we identify one of the subsurvient persons involved due to a gaggle of court injunctions and counter injunctions (which do not apply to the Italian media or Internet). We can confirm what was previously only speculation, namely that TT is the target of these allegations. Let there be no doubt about that.

We are unable to confirm that the allegations relate to a horizontally aligned situation involving more than one and fewer than three people which was witnessed by a former TT hanger on (who didn't get enough of a payoff to keep quiet). Whatever it is WE DIDN'T DO IT.

So, guess we have put THAT genie back in the bottle. Those Royals really know how to do damage control don't they?

TT recommends reading about the OTHER allegations that cannot be discussed but must be denied -BY CLICKING ON DENIABLE BUT NOT DISCUSSABLE -EXCEPT IN ITALY AND ON THE INTERNET.

It is more productive to spend your time speculating on whether Chuck got caught in bed with a butler (a yawn) or whether this is all a Red Herring to throw us off the scent of the real story - Liz caught in fevered frenzy with a Lesbian Corgi. THAT just might shake those royal pedestals a bit more than the former. Don't all titled Englishmen shag their butlers?

SINGLE MALT WHISKEY WORLD IN CRISIS MODE

Put the GroundHog Day war, the Quadrangle of Evil, Sri Lanka (no one seems to be paying any attention anyway) and the Scott Peterson preliminary hearing on HOLD.

There is a big crisis 'brewing' in the world of single malt whisky that requires intervention - immediately.

Corporate colossus, Diageo is running short of its 12 year old, single malt whiskey, Cardhu (gosh, I knew I should be cutting back). So, is now using a MIX of malts from more than its (home) 'single' distillery (Speyside in the case of Cardhu). One distillery, single malt - get it?

If this was all there was to it, we would of course feel sad to see the end of a very good single malt but we wouldnt be OUTRAGED - as are single malt afficiandos everywhere!!

Diagio is continuing to use the same bottle and continuing to list the Speyside distillery as its source but is now calling it "pure" malt whiskey (they would be mulched if they had the audacity to actually call it single malt - which of course it isn't).

This subtrefuge threatens to tear apart the Scotch Whiskey Association, rock the Scottish Parliament to its very roots and force consumers to take a microscope to those labels, tearing us away from important geo-political happenings.

We dont have TIME for this. We have the Minnelli/Gest divestiture, the Jen-Fleck/Ben-Lo tortuous saga to get through before we can get to the divorce (our real interest), the Peterson murder trial, the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee/Kid Rock sideshow,the Kobe Bryant trial, the Butler who saw Prince X in Y with Z doing XYZ (we cannot say more for legal reasons) - and so much more.

We need immediate diplomatic intervention (not Karl Rove, Wolfowitz or Perle please) to get this sorted out - FAST.

Deprived TT readers (none that we know of) can bone up on the finer points of single malt byCLICKING ON WHISKEY WEB. While you do that, TT will have another Balvenie please.

IF NOT THE GREEN RIVER KILLER, THEN WHO?

TT has always been opposed to the death penalty.

Oh, we make a few exceptions (people who drink wine out of bottles with screw tops, used car salesmen who clap when the Concorde lands/landed and the folks who made Gigli, for example).

We have no moral or religious issues with the death penalty - for us it has always been the problem that the justice system is administered by humans and as such is falible (unless of course, TT was put in charge).

We have always found it difficult to reconcile how murdering someone in New York or Texas makes you eligible to die as 'punishment', but you can kill 29 people in New Hampshire and keep your life.

We have known for a long time that poor people and non-Caucasians forfeit their lives more frequently than Caucasians (or ex-professional football players).

Now, thanks to the Green River killer, we now know that if you have murder in your heart - the more people you murder, the more likely you are to avoid the death penalty. Certainly something those used car salesmen should be worried about!!

The cold blooded Mr Ridgeway pleaded guilty to killing 48 women (some estimate he may have killed up to 100 - even he doesn't remember) which is more than Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy and John Gacey combined, But Mr Ridgeway will be spending the rest of his life in prison - although he is expected to apologize. Hallo???

TT can only scratch our topknot at the arbitrary , inconsistent and irrational nature of how the death penalty is applied in America- like we needed more examples??

If not the Green RIver Killer, then WHO?

TT readers who wanna catch up on the doings of the Green River Killer can CLICK ON RECIPE FOR AVOIDING THE DEATH PENALTY: A PRIMER

NOTE: Readers who insist on sharing their views and comments can do so at rootvegies@aol.com but we usually ignore viewpoints we disagree with.

TEENAGE TRANSGRESSIONS THAT PAY

TT wants our readers to know that they can violate our privacy anytime - providing we get the deal that Linda Tripp got, of course!

Tripp has been awarded $595,000 from the Department of Defense (about the cost of 1/100,000,000th of a Weapon of Mass Destruction), a retroactive promotion and a retroactive pay raise over a three year period.

The amateur audio-specialist gets this in spite of the fact that many of us think we had more information about Linda Tripp than we ever wanted or needed! The same, of course, cannot be said about information on TT exploits!

The Court apparently found that the Defense Department violated her privacy in revealing to a magazine that Tripp had failed to mention a teenage arrest for grand larceny when she sought security clearance for her job.

If Tripp can get all this for failure to mention her teenage transgression, TT sees vast riches and wealth in our future. We have a TON of teenage transgressions we have failed to report - and one (ok, maybe TWO) revelation(s) of a more adult variety

There was the little matter of expulsion from a religious school for turning in a Lenten season essay: "Why I Gave Up My Virginity For Lent". We think that disclosure alone is worth about $6squillion, not to mention a substantial retroactive pay raise and promotion (heck, we think expulsion from a religious school should, in addition to making us rich, earn us a Bronze Star!). Given the geo-political ramifications of this disclosure, the schism it provoked within the religious community and the diminished value of non-virginal Turnips on the open market we think the price not at all excessive.

If you feel Tripp-info deprived you can CLICK ON PRIVACY VIOLATIONS DONT COME CHEAP. But, more importantly, feel free to violate TT's privacy for the appropriate remuneration. Bank deposit information is available through Rootvegies@aol.com.

IRAQISTAN MAY BE DANGEROUS FOR YOUR HEALTH

Well, thankfully it looks like at least the US State Department has its finger on the pulse of what's happening in Iraquistan!!

Savvy travellers who regularly check State's website will have noted yesterday that a Travel Advisory (a gentle way of saying DONT GO THERE) was issued with respect to Iraq. Huh??? Is this a travel warning for those who have been in a 'persistent vegetative state' for the last 10 months?

Now, correct us if we have missed something, but is there ANYONE on the planet who was planning on travelling to Iraq in the coming days, weeks, months, decades?? Maybe those forward thinkers looking for an unusual spot to spend Thanksgiving ---although we suspect that those really celebrating Thanksgiving will be those that are nowhere NEAR Iraquistan.

The folks at State certainly are on top of things though. Yesterday's little ditty, which replaces the Advisory of October 2 (guess they think some folks missed the fact that there was a war), "strongly warns US citizens against travel to Iraq". Oh, really?? What a shocker that is - and here we had our airline tickets and suitcases packed!

Yesterday's Alert specifically warns of the threat to civil aviation. Civil aviation? Can anyone name one airline that's transporting happy(or unhappy) civilians into Baghdad or anywhere else in Iraquistan?? Has one plane landed at the new Baghdad airport where everyone is too afraid of attack by hand held rockets and mortars (with good reason, as it turns out) to even bring in military aircraft?? Can anyone even tell us when there was ANY civilian aviation last in Iraquistan??

The Advisory notes that, "there have been increased attacks in Baghdad, including at hotels...". Duh, even those that have been dozing on an Antarctic iceflow had sort of figured that out by now. Surely they can at least afford CNN at State??

And in a stunning US Intelligence Coup(oxymoronesque to say the least) the warning/advisory notes that "there is credible information that terrorists have targeted civil aviation".....less than 24 hours before a US military helicopter gets blown out of the sky, killing 15 and wounding at least 20. OK so it wasnt a civilian vehicle but sure looks like a major intelligence (heh heh) coup to us!CLICK ON BLINDING INSIGHTS TO SEE USSD TRAVEL ADVISORY IN ITS HELPFUL ENTIRETY. Positively clairvoyant these folks are!!!

Thank goodness for the heads up. TT and millions of others will clearly now be changing our travel plans to avoid Iraquistan and spend a quiet Thanksgiving in some more hospitable locale - like North Korea. In future though, we would like to see the Travel Warnings colour coded and incorporated on a graph that plots homeline security threats and Axis of Evil Threats(former and present Axes of Evil) and cross referenced with J.FLeck and Ben-Lo's biorythyms.