DUBBYA DECLARES PORTS SAFE

We know. We know.

Enough about Darth Haliburton and the Shooting Incident. But our thoughts today are not about that.

We are now more interested in the broo ha ha over the possibility that management of six US ports might shift from a British (good guys) to a Dubai based company (not such good guys maybe).

Dubbya has pointed out that Darth Haliburton will remain in charge of port security so all this concern about container loads of dirty bombs flooding into US ports is misguided.

We feel much better although we wish he were a better shot.

CAN BULKED UP KEN WIN BARBIE BACK??

Like most people, TT has never quite recovered from Barbie and Ken's split two years ago (gosh, has it been two years already?).

Barbie and Ken weren't just one of those 'blink and trade in your soul mate' Hollywood 'marriages'. (Did we blink? Did Lisa Marie Presley get married again?). Barbie and Ken's union last 15,695 times longer than Britney Federlines marriage to That Other Guy.

But. like Brad Pitt, Ken has not been letting the moss grow under those feet since the split. He has been spending time at the gym bulking up and has had an array of Hollywood stylists helping give him a new look - actually new new looks.

Barbie may have dumped Ken for that Surfer Dude but Ken is Back and more meterosexual than ever!! Stylists for Johnny Depp and Pierce Brosnan have been tweeking and revamping Ken, giving him two new looks - fresh-faced David Beckham (a real rival for Blaine, the Surfer Dude) and a lush-maned-sunglass sporting George Michael type, only not gay.

Will Barbie wake up and realize that she and Ken were made (literally) for each other? At her age, she is lucky to have any choices at all!!! Ken has completely re-tooled his body and look -hardly the first doll to undergo a middle-aged crisis remodelling.

Only time will tell whether the re-tooling is a success and a model for all..................no point lifting those weights if there is no pay-off!!

A PICTURE IS WORTH......

Sometimes, pictures say it better than TT can........ 

BAD INTELLIGENCE BLAMED FOR 'ACCIDENTAL' SHOOTING

While Darth Haliburton has not publicly spoken of the 'accidental' shooting over the weekend, TT has it on good authority that 'flawed intelligence' is being blamed for the incident.

Representatives of the Veep have told us, off the record, that 'everyone in the hunting party had the same intelligence'. ' The target bird was supposed to fly to the right - everyone , even the victim, thought so', said one anonymous source.

'The Veep would hardly shoot a G.O.P. contributor deliberately,' said another source.

Reports that the aged victim had given political donations to Hilary Clinton have been soundly denied. One source close to the Veep told TT that, the incident was clearly an 'accident' based on 'flawed intelligence'. The source pointed out that Darth had successfully avoided military service and was a 'hopeless' marksman.

Ventriloquists and cosmeticians are being called to the bedside of the victim, who took a face full of buckshot, and an upbeat statement from the bronzed, unmarked human bullseye is expected at any moment....... 

WHERE DO THEY GET ALL THOSE DANISH FLAGS?

As protests over 'the cartoons' spread like wildfire around the globe, no one has really addressed The Big Question.

Where do they get all these Danish flags?

Danish flags have been burnt in Iraq, Syria, Indonesia, Afghanastan, and on and on but surely the local souk doesnt routinely carry industrial quantities of Danish flags just on the off chance that those Danes will do something offensive. Now, American flags, that's different. We are sure there are ample quantities of those squirreled away in every obscure corner of the world as one just KNOWS the Americans will do something dumb and offensive - but the Danes? We figure more Danish flags have been burnt in the last month than there are Danes.

So, while others will cogitate on freedom of the press vs. respect, TT will remain focused on The Big Question - even if we don't have the Big Answer. When all is said and done- TT thinks this is about a lot more than a handful of not very good, not very funny cartoons . Shades of Archduke Franz Ferdinand......

AMERICA HEADS FOR REHAB AND THE CORN FIELD

Don't bother trying to contact anyone in America in the next six years. Everyone will be in rehab trying to kick that oil addiction and harvesting corn kernals, husks and stalks in pursuit of the 'cellulosic ethanol' to drive their cars. So said Dubbya.

Somehow, TT finds Dubbya more believable when he is raging against an Axis of Evil than singing songs of praise of 'woodchips and switchgrass'. Hmmm. Does Dubbya (or anyone else for that matter) even know what switchgrass is? Folks had better start their rehab soon and get busy hoarding the switchgrass that is going to be fueling all those cars (conveniently after Dubbya has retired to the switchgrass-laden open spaces). TT isn't holding our breath - or corn husks.

A 75 percent reduction in foreign oil imports in 20 years? Ha. There goes the Arctic Reserve. Gosh, seems like only yesterday Richard Nixon and Jimmy Carter said the same thing (minus the corn stalks and kernals) Maybe someone should explain the global nature of the oil market to Our Boy. .

Just as we were trying to get our top knot around the idea of corn husks in our fuel tanks, Dubbya dropped another policy bomb. He is going to ban the evil science of creating 'human-animal hybrids'. What IS the man talking about? Banning mermaids? Dumping Darth Haliburton?

Quick. Find the man another country that he can invade.