NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.....

What kind of demented mind came up with the glass-floored Skywalk over the Grand Canyon?

Like a giant steel diving board jutting 4000 feet above the Grand Canyon - with lovely transparent floors (gulp)- some Las Vegas businessman (figures) had the $30 million Terror Structure built (what government agency regulates glass-floored Skywalks??) to captivate tourists who seemingly don't find the Grand Canyon awesome enough.

Sure. The structure is supposed to be able to withstand 100 mph winds but what happens at 101mph??? Oh, and it is supposed to support 'several hundred 200 pound people'. How many is 'several'? 200? 900? We would like a little more precision here!!

And who is doing the counting? And are we just going to take people's word as to their weight? If 100 people 'misjudge' their weight and underestimate by 20 pounds (not unheard of ...snigger, snigger) then we have an extra 200 pound person!! What if everyone scars down a quarter pounder (with cheese) just before they step on to the Skywalk??

TT readers who step into (or is it onto?) the abyss can send us a postcard but as for us.......
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS! 

GUANTANAMO CRITICS SILENCED

Hmm. Looks like all those critics of Guantanamo and waterboarding are finally going to have to eat their words and shut up.

Clearly four years of non-Geneva Convention Persuasion Tactics can pay off. Sartorially challenged Khalid Shaikh Mohammed has confessed to --- well, EVERYTHING.

The hirsute Mr Mohammed has finally confessed to being the arch strategist behind 9/11, the kidnapping and murder of Daniel Pearl, the plot to blow up 12 jetliners over the Pacific, the Bali bombing - in fact more than 30 big time terrorist plots. Isn't torture great? See what results you can get if you just keep at it.

Pentagon officials have privately told us that Mohammed is very close to revealing where he buried Jimmy Hoffa's body and think it is only a matter of weeks (and some soothing bathing techniques) before he admits to being the real killer of Laci Peterson and the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter. 

WHAT'S THE POINT???

We must confess we are ambivalent about America moving its clocks ahead an hour.

On the one hand, it means getting an hour closer to seeing the end of Dubbya. In which case, why only an hour?

On the other hand, wouldn't it be better to turn the clocks back - WAY back. Like before either election.

Either way, one hour forward doesn't seem to make up for Dubbya having turned the clocks back 50 years. 

IS IT OVER???

Is it over yet? Is it safe to turn the television on?

Can we finally get back to important stuff like the crazed astro-nut and her diapered 900 mile drive to 'confront' her love rival ? Would anyone else other than a female astronaut charged with attempted kidnapping in this bizarre cross country trek with weapons, garbage bags etc be out walking around on $25000 bail?

At least now the body (there is something perverse about people fighting over that siliconed inflated body) is buried - after a suitably tasteless funeral. But, let's face it. Is any of this crazier than Al Sharpton maybe being related to (yikes) Strom Thurmond? Crazier than Barak Obama having slave owners (yes owners) in his family? Crazier than a bug eyed husband in Detroit (are we the only ones who noticed that his eyes are identical to those of the Runaway Bride?) who kills and chops up his wife? Killing we understand. Chopping up? Yikes.

No. On second thoughts. It isn't safe to turn the tv back on - just in time to hear that the REAL father of ANS 's child is Strom Thurmond.

Even TT isn't quite up to this!!