BLOCKBUSTER ANNOUNCEMENT EXPECTED TO MARK 100th DAY

TT has it on excellent authority that President Obama will be making a blockbuster announcement on this the 100th day of his historic Presidency.

Those in the know tell us that it will be something no other President has ever done before.

O is expected to resign later today.

Insiders tell us the decision was driven by two factors:

poll numbers (including those for the dog Bo) are high and the only place left to go is down so best to ride out on the crest of a wave rather than limp out on a helicopter with 2 million pairs of eyes watch to make sure you have really gone;

and

Michelle Obama has run out of outfits

You heard it first from TT.

REPUBLICANS STAKE OUT STRONG PRO PORCINE POSITION

One might think that, with a possible pandemic of Swine Flu looming, Republicans might feel a tad guilty over having removed pandemic preparedness expenditures from the stimulus bill.

But no. Nary a downward glance. Susan Collins, the Senator who actually scrubbed pandemic preparedness expeditures from the bill, declared herself to be very pro-porcine.

And, a chorus of Rebulicans joined the choir. 'We oppose gay marriage but will continue to defend the right of those who choose to spend time with these adorable chubby cherubs. But, pandemic preparedness? that is pork we cannot support' said the GOP congressional leadership.

We suggest vaccine be diverted away from Maine (and Louisiana, and Texas, and South Carolina and..........etc etc etec)

PIRATES - Part 2

Wow. What about those navy seals??? Impressive (multiply them by 1 million and deploy immediately to Afghanistan).

Of course, it is a bit unfortunate that the captured pirate, who asked to come aboard the navy vessel to call his family (probably past his curfew), may be as young as 14. A 14 year old with an AK- 47 is hardly the kid down the block but oh dear, the idea of dragging a 14 year old (think how churibic he will look when a US defence lawyer has cleaned him up), half across the world and then what? Try him in family court? We feel a certain confidence that papers will appear demonstrating that he is at least 16 but it would have been nice if the poster boy for high seas skullduggery were an adult.

As for TT, we plan to be very polite to any navy seals we encounter.

PIRATES 2 -- NAVY 0

Hmm.

Let's see if we have this straight. The biggest, strongest navy in the world is sitting eyeball to eyeball with four pirates (and a hostage) floating in a dingy that is out of gas.

So much for that trillion $ a year defence budget. So much for missile defence systems. So much for rockets and missiles. Bob Gates had better stock up on slingshots and water wings.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

First it's him. Now it's her. They are EVERYWHERE.

We cannot turn on the television or pick up a magazine (well, at least Foreign Affairs Quarterly hasn't succumbed to Michelomania - yet) without them. Thank goodness M and her arms are back in the US, out of sight (briefly) for a while.

With the world in economic meltdown, a couple of wars raging, the planet imploding, do we also have to drown in hugs (who hugs strangers with such wanton abandon?), kitty heels and bows (oh, and when did the wearing of false eyelashes start?), transatlantic sartorial exchanges?

ENOUGH ALREADY.

TALL CORN STATE BRACES FOR ARMEGEDDEON

Who would have thought it?

We have no problem imagining gay couples flocking to San Francisco, Key West or even Boston to marry. But, never in a million years would we have imagined the highways in and out of Des Moines packed with truck loads of gay people carrying wedding rings.

Apparently, if we are to believe some Congressman called Steve King (why do we suspect he is a Republican?), Iowa is about to become a gay Mecca.

Ridiculous, we say. No self respecting gay person would be caught dead heading to the state of Tall Corn, Dear Abby and Ashton Kutcher to get married.

TT HAS DUBBYA MOMENT

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OK. We admit it. TT had a Dubbya moment.

We suggested that instead of giving AIG $150 million, the government could have bought Candy Spelling's McMansion.

Just one little problem. The government gave AIG $150 BILLION. Now, that's actually enough to buy ten (er, or is it a hundred, er, or is it a thousand?) Candy Spelling McMansions. Our eyes glaze over with anything over $1 million we regret to say.

Still the principle remains. Think of all the jobs that could have been created cleaning and maintaining those places? We rest our case.