TT ALTERNATIVE TO AIG BAILOUT ANNOUNCED

By TT's calculation, $150 million (maybe more by the time you finish reading this) has been hurled at the feckless and reckless AIG.

While Congress rattled its pitchforks (pitchforks which appear now to have been put back in the barn -for now), TT has our own plan on what to do with that money.

Buy the late Aaron Spelling's mansion. It is for sale and co-incidentally for $150 million.

With 56,000 square feet and who knows how many acres of land, TT figures it could be turned over to those who have lost their homes to forclosure, until such time as they get back on their feet. The unemployed could be put to work a la stimulous plan tending to the grounds, chlorinating and skimming bugs off the pools, cleaning the 50 plus toilet bowls etc etc. By our calculation this would generate 2.5 million jobs and not just for a short period of time - once those toilet bowls have been cleaned, it will be time to start all over again.

So Mr O, are you listening???

'HONEY-COATED' ASSETS TO BE SOLD OFF TO PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH MONEY

Word is, that Timmy G.is today going to unvail his plan to restore the stability of the financial system and get the banks stabilized and lending again.

TT is confused. We officially don't get it.

Banks lent squillions of $ like drunken sailors (we are sure that lending $1 million to someone making $30,000 a year to buy a house 'valued' - we aren't sure by who - at $900,000 made terrific sense to someone somewhere and that they got an appropriately absurd bonus for doing so) which cannot be repaid and now that $900.000 house is 'valued' at $350,000. These are the 'toxic' assets everyone is talking about. Until the banks are able to wipe out the reckless results of their greed and debt fueled binge, they won't be lending their money to anyone.

Timmy's plans apparantly will lend about 90 percent of the money needed for private investors to buy up these 'toxic assets' but TT wants to know. Why would anyone buy anything at any price that was called toxic?? Surely, the first step is to re-name these things? How about Honey Coated Stuff? Sweet Stuff? You get the drift.

And what IS it with these banks? Having driven the truck off the cliff we note that Citibank (where someone surely was sleeping) declared it had shown a profit in the first two months of 2009. Huh??? Isn't this a little like saying, I am in great financial shape - except for the 12 million $ mortage I hold and the $30,000 a year I earn.

If the banks won't lend, then why doesn't Timmy just set up a new Provisional Bank and lend all these squillions to the people, with the means to repay it, who need it? Or just take over the 'zombies' (we can come up with a name to replace nationalization if that really bothers you), sell off the 'good parts' and let the rest meet their natural fate?

It is just all too much for us. And, speaking of too much. We like O but the Energizer Bunny Presidency is wearing thin. Is there nothing on television we can watch without him popping up? We know the news cycle is now 24/7 but 24/7 is too much - even of O.

Oh to return to the simple days of Bush bashing...................

NEW TERRORIST VIDEO SURFACES

National Security experts were huddled over the weekend examining a new terrorist video which was sent to major media outlets.

The video, from the infamous group AIG, demanded billions more from the American taxpayer and threatened that failure to pay outrageous bonuses would result in economic Armegeddon.

Terrorism experts, who asked for anonymity as they were not authorized to speak to TT, say that preliminary analysis suggests the video is authentic and was probably shot as the Golden Goblet Golf Club and spa in the Cayman Islands - a favourite haunt of AIG and other international terrorist groups.

The US administration has yet to issue a formal statement regarding the latest demands.