CHINA MAY RECALL GIULIANI

Chinese officials have indicated they will wait until the Florida primary results are known before making a final decision about whether to recall Rudy Giuliani .

Highly placed officials told TT that Giuliani's strategy for capturing the GOP nomination and the Presidency (ie. wait for the race to finish before jumping in) lead them to suspect that there were unacceptably high levels of lead in his brain.

TT caught up with Mr 9/11 as he mowed Floridian lawns in a last push to win votes. Promising he would mow Floridian lawns 'forever' if they voted for him, Mr 9/11 dismissed the Chinese reports.

'I see nothing flawed or defective in my campaign strategy', said Guiliani. By waiting till the race is over, I am ensuring that the others are exhausted and too tired to fight the terrorists..er, Democrats', said Mr G.

Chinese officials will await Floridians judgement before making a determination.

WINEHOUSE OFFERS CLINTON INTERVENTION

Troubled singer has offered to stage in 'intervention' for Bill Clinton.

'It is really sad', said Winehouse. 'He is unravelling and seriously needs help.'

As Slick Willy continues his frenzied campaign to be The Holograph President, Winehouse emerged from a crack cocaine haze to offer her support.

'Seeing his face get so red and those bulging veins broke my heart', said Winehouse. 'This can only end in tragedy if he doesn't get the help he needs'.

Winehouse was joined by Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears in offering a helping hand.

FROM NEVADA TO BEYOND

EEEK. Can no one put a stop to Rambabe??

Is there no strategy to get those older white ladies to get a grip?? Can they really want Rambabe and her increasingly nasty red-faced consort to inhabit the White House again??? And, speaking of The Bill in Hillbilly, what is a former President doing in a pissing match on tv with a reporter over arcane party rules over voting in Nevada?

If Hill cannot control Bill now (not that she wants to - or ever could), then how is she or anyone going to keep him on a leash back in the White House?

Time for Arnold S /the Terminater to step in and stop the Rambabe dead in her triangulated tracks!! Please!!

CANDIDATE "CHUCKABEE" ATTACKED BY GAY BENGAL TIGER

Reports are rife that Presidential Candidate 'Chuckabee' has been attacked by a gay Bengal Tiger at the San Francisco zoo.

'Chuckabee' was delivering his fire and brimstone stump speach railing against the 'homosexual lifestyle' and equating homosexuality with beastiality when the enraged gay tiger jumped the walls and attacked.

Police were called and 'Chuckabee' successfully subdued with tranquilizer darts.

'Chuckabee' is expected to recover in time to lecture the three gays living in South Carolina.

HILLARY TO LAUNCH MULTI-STATE 'CRYING TOUR'

There is a lot of speculation as to what drove all those single older white women out to vote for the Hillary in New Hampshire - giving her and the Sour Grapes strategy a boost.

No need to speculate further. The Hill part of HillBilly herself (on FOX no less!) cited her tear-filled human moment was the deciding factor in her victory because it 'proved my sincerity.

TT has it on good authority from a source deep within the HillBilly campaign that HillBill will launch a multi-state 'crying tour' (patterned after the 'listening tour' she took when she launched her first bid for the Senate.

Our source tells us she plans to cry her way, 'non-stop', across 48 states.

When asked if hubby Bill will accompany her, our source said: "Absolutely. No one can make Hillary cry like Bill.'

HILLBILLY SOUR GRAPES STRATEGY PAYS OFF IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

Well the older single white women came through for Hillbilly in New Hampshire - vindicating their new Sour Grapes strategy.

First we had the images of Hill going all 'human' as she teared up in response to a question about the rigours of campaigning (didn't everyone know how difficult it is for a 60 year old woman to stay blonde?). One could be forgiven if one mistook the sour grapes over those dopey Iowa voters who failed to see the importance of maintaining the Clintonian dynasty for a show of 'humanity'.

Will Hill beat up on Obama, Bill, the other half (he sees himself more as the 3/4 of HillBilly), went on a total rant - against the press (giving Obama a free ride), against Obama ('fairy tale) and finally the most extraordinary rant of all....' I can't make Hillary younger, or taller, or male'). Notice the 'I'?? Even if you buy into the Iowa loss as having something to do with Hillary's age,height or gender, note Bill didn't say that SHE cannot make herself younger or taller.

A spokesman for the Hillbilly campaign denied reports that Bill also deflated the tires on the Obama campaign bus.

The Hillbilly machine is alive and well..............

GOMER PYLE FOR DEFENCE SECRETARY?

Turnip Top has not had time to analyse the results of the Iowa Caucus Circus but looks like those Iowa Republicans have plonked their money down on Mike Chuckabee (a/k/a Huckabee in more polite circles) as their choice to lead the Republicans to defeat in the November Presidential elections.

One can only speculate as to what they were thinking in those kitchens throughout Iowa (the state with more pigs than people) but do they imagine Chuck Norris in charge of Homeland Security? Gomer Pyle as Defence Secretary? Barney Fyfe as Secretary of Education?

IF there is a scenario that might make us wish to have Dubbya and Darth Cheney back, this just might be it.................