NBC MELTDOWN????

What is it with NBC?

First they offer $1 million for the first post-prison interview with Paris (seems reasonable to us).

Then a head honcho pulls the plug. Apparently someone with their head screwed on backwards decided it wasn't worthy of the news division.

Now someone called Mika Brzezinski has an on-air Paris H. meltdown. Brzezinski, a newsreader, refused to read the lead story of the night - Paris' release from hell - ahead of other minor events (subpeonas to the White House, Veep's office, National Security Council and Justice Department for example).

Seems Ms Brzezinski had a problem with the prominence of the Paris H story and its saturation coverage. She refused to read the script three times, tried to burn the script with a colleague's lighter and then - live on You Tube - took to the shredder and fed it into the machine. What is wrong with this woman?

CNN, the most trusted name in news, devoted two full hours of prime time television to this very important story (one hour of 'interview' with Larry King and one hour of talking heads dissecting the 'interview'). If the most trusted name in news gives the Paris H story this kind of treatment then we KNOW it is really important. It is ten times the air time than all presidential wannabes have collectively received since they declared their intentions (a million times more in the case of Chris Dodd).

It isn't as if there were other things going on. A couple of subponeas, a few bombs in Baghdad (its not like it was the first or the last), some old CIA secrets, Dick Cheney having his residence 'blurred out' on Google Earth, Dick Cheney declaring the Office of the Vice President as outside the reach of subpoenas. Only a couple of weeks ago CNN cut away from the announcement that the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs was being fired to show -- yes, Paris Hilton being taken to (or from) jail.

This Brzezinski woman needs a talking to. Doesn't she realize who Paris H IS??? We are talking about the girl who convinced Britney Spears to go out without any undies (and get photographed accordingly). Someone needs to explain to her that she is a news READER. She is not the Decider. That role is taken!!

POST-SURGE LOVE BOMB FOR IRAQ???

With even Republicans like Richard Lugar ( ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee) urging a swift change in strategy in Iraq, TT has it on very good authority that Dubbya et al have a secret squirrel plan for when the Surge is officially declared D.O.A.

Actually, the plan is to revive some old Pentagon plans from 1994 (what WERE you thinking Bill Clinton) to build a 'gay bomb'. Unfortunately we kid you not. The defence department has acknowledged investigating making a bomb that would make enemy soldiers 'sexually irresistible' to each other. Huh?

Thanks to the Sunshine Project (a group which monitors research into chemical and biological weapons), the plans for this and other projects were obtained under the Freedom of Information Act. It just goes to show, you don't have to develop new weapon ideas when you have all this great stuff in the files. The 'love-bomb' envisions an aphrodisiac chemical that will provoke widespread homosexual behaviour among troops (thiers), causing what the military calls a 'distasteful but completely non-lethal' blow to morale'. Distasteful blow (no pun intended) to morale? Well - we wouldn't be so sure about that. Just could be that exchanging daily carnage for an on-going Gay Pride Parade might just provide the very morale booster those insurgents need.

But, fear not. The military has other little nuggets up its sleeve. There is the 'Sting Me' weapon to attract swarms of enranged wasps or angry rats to enemy troops (or Democrats). Thought has also gone into the development of a chemical which would cause 'severe and lasting halitosis' so enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with regular people who had garlic for lunch.

One of our personal favourites is the 'Who Me?' Bomb which would simulate (why not the real thing folks?) flatulence in enemy ranks.

Pentagon planners are reportedly working on a Combo Strategy combining all the elements of these weapons - but first, a New Flag for Iraq.......

LIBBY SCOOTS TOWARDS PRISON

We note that a judge has ruled 'Scooter' Libby must scoot towards prison - a la Martha Stewart - while his appeal is being heard.

His 2 year sentance for perjury and obstruction of justice will start in a couple of weeks.

In preparation, we understand that Scooter is having some tatoo work done and has retained Paris Hilton's psychiatrist. Through his lawyer, Scooter issued a statement saying that he has circumvented the prison process by finding God before he goes in and at 50 plus, he has decided to give up his superficial lifestyle -'at my age it isn't cute anymore', he said.

CAGED DAME - PARIS REDUX

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

How sweet it is - justice in action!

Paris H lead screaming for her mama ('It's not right!') back to jail. It's good enough to repeat the Caged Dames poster while we crack open the champagne.............

BE AFRAID....BE VERY, VERY AFRAID

Forget any naive thoughts of a Paris-free (well at least not 24/7 Paris) 23 days!!

No sooner have we lowered our expectations (23 is almost 45 isn't it?) than Paris again lowers the bar.

We really needed those 23 days to prepare ourselves for the onslaught of interviews, books, dvd's, posters, t-shirts, dolls and other merchandise chronicals to the Caged Dame's triumph over the system. Ha! Looks like the triumph came even sooner than we thought. Paris' 27 seconds in jail came to an end today. She will be forced to spend her full sentance in her mansion.

Poor Paris' 'medical condition' apparently precluded her doing time - reports have it that she developed a rash (a new rash), was heard crying in her cell (isn't that what everyone who goes to prison does?), wasn't eating the food (heh, even Martha grew her own herbs to avoid the food), and her shrink (on a Healthy Hilton retainer no doubt) says she is suffering mental anguish!!

Now there are some who view all that with scepticism but TT is not one of them. Paris was to be locked in her cell alone (no phones, no flunkies, no pedicures) 23 hours a day. Think about it. Being locked in a cell 23 hours a day with Paris Hilton surely qualifies as 'cruel and unusual punishment' if ever there was a definition. No one else has to endure that for a probation violation.

But beware - the onslaught begins.....................

PRESIDENTIAL (WEIGHT) WATCHERS INTRIGUED

Funny how George just seems more and more irrelevant -it's as if folks just cannot wait to turn the page.

While the Endless Debates are underway, we will confess we are more interested (for the moment) in the dance of the undeclared candidates.

We note NY mayor Bloomberg dining with Chuck Hagel at the Palms (an independent ticket in the making???) and lurking in the out-takes of Prime Time TV, President Fred Anyone? President Fred will of course solve the Iraq situation by immediately declaring the country a free-standing spin-off of Law and DisOrder.

But the attention is really focused on the girth of The Academy Award Winning, Power-Point Prince and Almost President, Al Gore.

Conventional wisdom has it that a balooning girth means he definitely will not run but carbon-neutralize himself into permanent celebrity status. However, if he sheds some pounds over the summer?? An Inconvenient Truth perhaps for a certain Hillary C.

While everyone watches Al's waistline, Hillary's campaign director has denied that the shipments of twinkies and crisps that Hillary has been shipping to Al (weekly) have nefarious intent. It is all a gesture (albeit a chunky gesture) to congratulate Al on his Academy Award, his book(s), his Power Point Presentation, his coming second in the last Presidential Election and being nominated for a Nobel Prize.

Hillary just wants Al to be happy - say Hillary's troops (as they package up cheeseburgers, fudge, cheesecake and brownies for Al).

Stay tuned (and have a set of scales handy).