ROWLING OUTS MASTER WIZARD

Gasp!!

Author, J.K Rowling suprised millions of Harry P. fans last week (but not TT) with the revelation that Master Wizard, Albus Dumbledore is gay.

How could anyone not have known?? The clues were everywhere (are there any heteros called Albus??).

Beloved Dumbledore believed first and foremost in the prevailing power of love. A sure sign he was gay.

His childhood friend and ultimately Rival Wizard, Gelbert Grindelewald (note the name), was obviously the object of Dumbledore's affections. When they first met , Grindelwald, the 'golden-haired, talented, merry-faced' (come on - every golden-haired, talented, merry-faced person we have ever known was gay) it was clear there was something going on. Even Grindlewald's aunt picked up on it. She noted that the 'boys took to each other at once!' -- so what's wrong with all those readers that they didn't figure it out?

Although Dumbledore ultimately had to take on (and defeat) his unrequited love, fans who claim they didn't know should have figured it out from the bathroom scene (suspiciously sounding like the Minneapolis airport facilities). Even fictional characters apparently are in the know about toe-tapping, finger-swiping signals.

Now, even the most thick headed fan knows the secret and curiously the world does not appear to have stopped turning. Of course, we understand that Republicans are preparing a draft constitutional ammendment that would ban fictional characters from marrying - just in case.

IDAHO HALL OF FAME MOVES TO MINNEAPOLIS AIRPORT

It is clearly award season.

Nobels are being sprinkled around like candy (a mail strike has apparently delayed TT's notification) and now the Idaho Hall of Fame has inducted Larry Craig. Yes, toe-tapping, he of the 'wide stance', rest-room loitering non-gay, non-resigning, Senator Larry Craig.

What is wrong with these people? Does Idaho not have anyone else who might be considered famous? (Hmmm. We guess none that are as famous as Larry). And what is wrong with Mr. Toe-Tapper? Even if, in an Idahoan fog, the Hall of Fame decided this was the perfect time to induct Larry, surely Larry should realize this would only prolong the agonizing skewering by late night comedians???

Larry, who apparently has no shame and is impervious to global ridicule, will be joining those other auspicious Idahoans - Larry May, for example, owner of the Owyhee Plaza Hotel, or Frank VanderSloot, CEO of the 'world wide known company' Melaleuca Inc (well, not exactly known in any world with which we are familiar).

One can only feel sorry for May, VanderSloot and the others. There is nothing they have ever done or are likely to do that can ever bring them the fame that Larry The Toe Tapper has achieved.

Indeed, rumour has it that the Board of the Idaho Hall of Fame is moving the Hall to the Minneapolis Airport in recognition of the prominence that its most recent inductee has achieved!

GORE TO LOSE NOBEL

Poor Al Gore.

Sure, he scarfed up an Oscar and just last week won the Nobel Peace Prize but celebrations in the Gore enclave may be premature.

TT understands the Supreme Court are likely to reverse the decision and give the prize to Dubba.

Secret squirrel sources tell TT that, in what is likely to be a close decision, uber-ideologues Scalia and Thomas feel strongly that it is George W who has done more to produce climate change than anyone else. Gore, they think, talks a lot and does cool powerpoint presentations but even his electricity usage in his mega-mansion has fallen short. Dubbya has consistently adopted policies which promote enhanced climate change. The prize should be his!

Stay tuned.

AMERICA RETURNS THE REVOLUTION TO BRITAIN

We just don't get these Americans!

Didn't they fight a war of Independence to rid themselves of the Monarchy?

Oh sure, we know they become vapid schoolgirls/boys when anyone at least 1000th in the line of succession wafts on to US shores (think Fergie) but now it is looking like the Monarchy is only a hairsbreath away from being re-instated.

Seems like unless your name is not Bush or Clinton you cannot be President of the United States.

If ever there ought to be a real race for the Presidency it ought to be now. So, why do we get this sinking feeling of inevitabilty about the Coronation of Hillary?

Frankly, we are sick of her already. How will we get through 4 (or 8) years of her?

That Botoxed brow. The pant suits (who would have thought there were that many pant suits in the world?). The Trent Lottesque helmet of laquered hair. The Partonesque make-up. And worse - she is morphing into Dubbya more with every passing day (read her latest prognostications on Iraq and weep). Oh sure, she's smarter and more competent that Dubbya - who isn't? And, we would still prefer her to Scary Rudy '9/11/ G and the even Scarier Judy (now to be called 'Judith', we are advised).

Is the world ready to have to hear THAT LAUGH for years and years? How blonde will get?

TT is in discussions with Virgin Space about booking a flight to Mars. Of course, we might have to be away for quite a while. There's Hillary and a LOT of Bushies by which time we suppose it will be Chelsea's time..........