ADIOS AMIGO!!

Sometimes good things happen to those of us who wait....and wait....and wait....and wait.....

Alberto Gonzales will finally leave the White House next month. Any hope of him taking Dubbya and Darth with him????

Alberto's future plans are somewhat murky (why should his future be any different from his present or his past????). However, TT has it on excellent authority that Gonzales now wants to spend more time applying his domestisc surveillance programmes and warantless wiretaps to his family. Gonzales apparantly feels he has been so busy spying on everyone else that his family hasn't been properly eavesdropped on. We understand he will be implementing an intensive data-mining excercise of his family's expenditures and library preferences.

Adios Amigo!!

GUYS LIKE THIS KEEP THE CELEBS OUT OF THE SLAMMER

What IS it with these California prisons?

Apparantly they are bulging at the seams - so much so that celebs like Paris H have to be dispatched before the acrylic nails and hair extensions need to be replaced.

Now we have Linday Lohan getting one day - yes, one day for a couple of DUIs, cocaine possession etc etc etc.

And don't even get us started on Nicole Ritchie. She also has a couple of DUIs etc etc and served the grand total of 84 minutes. 84 minutes?? Why bother? Thats less time than it takes to snore through Lindsay's latest film (a turkey by all accounts and no we don't plan to see it?). That would take 104 minutes.

If the jails are so full that these Hardened Hussies have to be released, we can only ask, WHY AREN'T THEY BUILDING MORE JAILS OR SEND THESE DANGEROUS BIMBETTES TO JAILS ELSEWHERE IN THE COUNTRY THAT AREN'T FULL?????

RUSSIANS THREATEN SANTA

We may be taking a 'break' in concert with the Iraqi Parliamentarians but it doesn't mean we are asleep!

TT is well aware of the miners trapped in Utah (many consider everyone who lives in Utah to be trapped - why else would they stay there???), the hurricanes that threaten to underperform the 24/7 Breaking News coverage (not to mention all those hurrican graphics that have been prepared), and Dubbya's preparing to turn a disasterous situation (Iraq) into something worse (let's go after the Iranians now!!). What is worse than disasterous? Looks like we are going to find out.

What we don't understand is why there isn't more attention being paid to the nefarious activities of those Russians. Surely the implications of the Russians planting their flag 14,000 feet below the surface of the North Pole should be creating more concern. The very essence of Santa may be threatened (just wait till you start getting those greeting cards in Russian!).

We understand that the Elves are in Russian language courses and the reindeer are mysteriously responding to 'Ivan' and 'Boris' instead of Rudolph and Donner. Shouldn't Dubbya be doing something to help poor Frosty? He is reportedly being force-fed borscht!!

Thankfully, it appears that at least the Canadians understand the threat and are believed to be sending the navy (12 canoes) and the army (two part-time soldiers) to the North Pole to stage an intervention. Once they figure out what indiginous foods to take with them (to replace the borscht), the full force of the Canadian military is expected to descend on the Pole and Santa (and elves) will be liberated.

We feel SO much better......................

WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE......

We figure what is good for the Iraqi Parliament is good enough for us.....................pass the sun screen please!

ALASKA LOSES CLAIM TO BRIDGE TO NOWHERE

Turns out the infamous Bridge to Nowhere isn't in Alaska after all - its in Minnesota.

Don't get us wrong, the collapse of a major bridge in a busy Metropolitan centre is big news - certainly worthy of 23/7 hours of news coverage. Who would have though there were so many bridge experts out there who have just been sitting in the weeds waiting for just such a catastrophe so they could have their 15 minutes of fame analysing the endless re-play of the collapsing bridge?

Certainly it is all very topical - we worry about tunnels and bridges collapsing all the time (doesn't anyone entering the Holland Tunnel hold their breath when they see the cracks and bits and pieces hanging precariously?).

But, hello. Surely the fact that at least 19 million people have been displaced and at least 1000 killed in floods on the Indian sub-continent merit at least 15 minutes of coverage out of the 24 hour news cycle. Just how big does a non-American disaster have to be to nudge its way into the news cycle? At least we know now that 19 million isn't quite enough!!

AT LEAST THERE IS TIDDLY WINKS

Pity the fans of professional sport.

Baseball is burdened by bulked up steroid ingestors. A National Basketball referee has, it would seem, been gambling on games, including games he officiated and is 'mobbed up' (Tony Soprano must be plotting his whackification). The Tour de Farce - well, what can one say. Is there ANYONE on those bikes who isn't doped up?? And, we have a star quarterback in the National Football League who faces nasty charges related to a dogfighting business he was mixed up in.

Thank goodness TT's taste in professional sports runs more towards scrabble, tiddly winks and Civilization. Not a druggie or dog fighter in sight. And when was the last time you heard about a mob link to the National Scrabble Championship.

But, it does make you wonder about professional sports. What next?? Are they going to tell us professional wrestling is fixed??

Or worse, will they tell us 'qis' and 'er' are not really words??? It's enough to run chills down the spine.

Ah well. There will always be Tiddly Winks!