HUNTING SEASON OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED

Quick. Hide Dick Cheney's shotgun.

While Dubbya, Barney and Laura thought Dubbya was giving the State of the Union Address last night --- we all know he actually was launching duck hunting season and the kick of the 2008 Presidential campaign.

Groan. As if two more years of Dubbya were not bad enough we have two years of the Democrats trying to have their profiteroles and eat them too.

As far as we can tell, with Dubbya's poll numbers rivaling the temperatures in North Dakota, we didn't hear anything that would persuade us that Our Boy means anything other than what he says - he says he isn't concerned about his legacy and for once we believe him.

He quacked on about 'reaching across the floor' (the old bipartisan chestnut that Dubbya himself roasted a long time ago) but saw no evidence that this applies to him!!

'Nothing is more important than winning' in Iraq, quacked the canard, but US involvement ' is not unlimited'. Gee, if NOTHING is more important then shouldn't it be unlimited?

We still don't understand how a few months of a baby surge is going to get anyone closer to 'winning' anything. Nor do we get how plunging another billion$ into 'reconstruction' is going to do anything that the previous 30 plus billion$ hasn't done -- except enrichen a few fat cat US companies and crooked Iraqi officials.

Actually, the shotgun you hear cocking, as duck hunting season gets under way, is not that of Dick Cheney but rather those of Hilary, Barak and an array of other aspiring hunters. 

WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT???

What's all the fuss about???

Some folks have their knickers in a twist because Bob Nardelli, who was ousted (under a cloud) as CEO of Home Depot, got a $210 million payoff.

Just because the return to shareholders has fallen by 13% under his lushly remunerated tenure shouldn't mean he should pay any kind of financial price should it??? We ARE talking about the same Bob Nardelli who was on the Board that approved Greedy Dicky Grasso's stupendous payout (still the subject of litigation by some spoil sports).

Nardelli's contract with the Do It Yourself Emporium is pretty clear. Rewards are based on how long you hang in there, not how well he or the company performed. We are sure that a canvas of Home Depot's long term employees will show that they have been equally richly rewarded!!

Some have questioned Nardelli's signing deal whereby the Board (who flew in on their private jets, champagne glasses in hand) guaranteed Nardelli a minimum annual bonus of $3 million a year. A minimum annual bonus? Sure we thought bonuses were tied to performance but this is pretty innovative stuff, the rationale for which is simply lost on mere mortals.

TT spoke to some rank and file Home Depot employees who confirmed that they too have been richly rewarded - although their bonuses are tied to company and personal performance.

'An anachronism' said Steve, clutching his $137.93 bonus check. ' If the company hadn't done so badly and I had stacked boxes faster, my bonus would have been a lot closer to the $3 million Nardelli got.'

On the other hand, we spoke to Frank who has just been axed by Home Depot for being late too often. While, proportionally, he figures his severance should be about $1 million, he said that accounting had clearly made an error because the cheque was considerably smaller than that - the equivalent of two weeks pay at $4.75 an hour.

So. We repeat. What's all the fuss about??? 

INSURGENTS ANNOUNCE COUNTERSTRATEGY

Moments after Our Boy George announced a death sentance for the Iraq Study Group Recommendations, Insurgents held a press conference announcing their own counter-strategy.

InSurgents plan to InSurge an equal number of new combatants into Iraq as part of their counter-strategy: ' Iraq: Same Old, Same Old - A Proven Way Downwards'.

While Our Boy and his Henchmen try to sell the bombing of Cambodia (oops, did Kissinger leave the wrong notes?) and the Surge Strategy, White House were derisive. 'These guys are copycats nothing more, nothing less' said Super Flak Tony Snow.

Thank goodness for the Democrats who poised themselves precariously on pins and needles ready to deplore, disdain and hand-wring but not actually STOP the Surge. 

WHITE HOUSE DOES LAST MINUTE TWEEKING OF SURGE STRATEGY

The White House is busy tweeking Dubbya's New Way Forward in Iraq Strategy(Treading Water Till Someone Else Sends in the Helicopters) before he unveils it to a supportive American public.

Arguments continue over the graphic backdrop (see above) for Dubbya's speach -- some feel the American public won't immediately pick up that the WATER is America and the beleagured house represents the insurgents.

Others are uncomfortable with the 'surge' designation and consistent with the Administration policy of renaming ossified strategies to breathe new life into them have already stopped talking about 'the baby surge' (vs The Grown Up Surge).

Those who tune in to hear Dubbya launch his new strategy will get to vote on their favourite designation. Finalists are believed to include: The Efflux Strategy, The Gush Strategy, The Billow Strategy and insiders favourite The Sluice Strategy. Vote early and vote often as they say. 

BE CAREFUL....BE VERY, VERY CAREFUL

TT readers be warned!

Take extra care in booking that escape from winter.

We were horrified to learn that the Westin hotel on Grand Bahama is offering a Procreation Vacation!! Yikes.

Guests will apparently be fed fertility boosting foods (please tell us that profiteroles are not on that list!), massages (massages boost fertility???) and 'age-old' fertility aids (do they mean sex???).

As if the thought of accidentally booking there were not scary enough, we are told that this is part of a new trend -- hotels trying to lure conception-minded folks into their evil clutches. The Five Gables Inn and Spa on Cheasapeak Bay in Maryland is offering a Birds and Bees package (innocent sounding enough and one could be forgiven for thinking it was offering a naturalists get-a-way rather than the horror of a diaper-laden future) and folks who book the 'Love Boat' cruise out of Singapore better check that fine print if you think an orgy-laden free-for-all is waiting.

Such is the danger of these burgeoning Procreation Packages that TT shelved all plans for a warm weather escape only to find a Procreation Ski Package (huh? how does that work with those boards on your feet?) in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

Clearly, the only safe solution is to stay home but do please send us a postcard!!!