TT ACCEPTS ACCOLADES WITH HUMILITY

We will confess that we were a tad surprised.

Though often nominated as Time magazine's Person of the Year we had never really expected to win anything other than the Susan Lucci Award. Tabloid devotees will recall that Susan Lucci was nominated for best actress in 'daytime television' (ie soaps) 13 times!

Though many find it odd that Time would reward musical downloading and video uploading skills rather than contributions towards world peace (there isn't any) or alleviation of poverty (still with us) we do not.

As 2006 draws to a close, TT accepts the Award with Humility and a Smirk (clearly Time editors ran out of steam and imagination!).

Does this mean we can add this to our C.V?

REINDEER MUM ON CRAWFORD VISIT

Only 360 shopping days left!!!

Reindeer are taking a well earned rest and Santa has apparently already arrived at his workshop to supervise the elves' (all legal and being paid the minumum wage) production schedules for 2007.

All efforts to get Santa to comment on whether Dubbya got what he asked for (a way out of Iraq that doesn't look, smell or feel like defeat) have been rebuked. Barney and Miss Beazly, on the other hand, are reported to be very content with their Christmas haul - another fun filled vacation watching their master clear brush/twigs/logs/trees and egg nog doggie yum yums. 

ENOUGH ALREADY.....

That's it. We are hitching up the reindeer and heading out to spread joy...early.

Actually, we want to quickly fly over Iraq to check out Rummy's parting conclusion that 'if you fly over Iraq, not everything is smoldering'. Hmmm.
Any wonder we want to get that sleigh and reindeer up and running????

Ho Ho Ho. (PS. Don't forget to put out a nice claret and some foie gras). 

IRAQ; THE NEW FRONT ON THE WAR AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE

Oh dear. Just when you thought Dubbya would rather talk about ANYTHING other than Iraq....along comes Mary Cheney.

Ms Cheney (unmarried and a lesbian) disclosed last week that she and her long time partner are expecting a child. Eeeeek. Conservatives are apoplectic and Dubbya, while acknowledging that Miss Cheney will be a loving mother (no mention of the partner we note), quickly changed the subject to - gulp - Iraq.

We can only assume that the next salvo in Iraq repositioning is to characterise the struggle in Iraq as the front line in the war against gay marriage (we will not be surprised if unnamed intelligence sources manage to produce 'evidence' that the Syrians and Iranians are secretly deploying gay insurgents into Iraq).

Argh. We think maybe we will hitch up the sleigh early this year......... 

MAKING A LIST...CHECKING IT TWICE....

We have been making our list all year and certainly don't need to check it twice....we know exactly who has been naughty (or worse) and nice (short list).

Now we must find the appropriate seasonal attire, sprinkle around some festive baubles, get ready to do our rounds (seasonal music in background) and plot our gift distribution strategy (no stops in Washington will streamline things this year).

A reminder: we do not like milk and cookies!! We prefer a good glass of claret and a slice of foie gras please. 

AMERICA STUDY GROUP REPORT EXPECTED THIS WEEK

The long-awaited Report of the America Study Group is expected later this week.

The America Study Group, a seasoned and single-limbed group of Militants, Insurgents, Terrorists, Rebels and Deadenders, is expected to release their report in Baghdad in between suicide bombings.

The Report, The Way Sideways - Keep Doing What We Are Doing, is expected to validate the existing 'Stay The Course' strategy in Iraq. One knowledgeable insider, who unfortunately was blown up shortly after talking to TT, tells us that the strategic review suggest no course alterations are necessary. 'Things are going exactly the way we expected and wanted', he said. 

KILLER VEGGIES STRIKE AGAIN....

Forget al-Quada. Ignore plutonium 210, although you might want to stay away from sushi restaurants and bars in London.

Those killer green vegetables have struck again --- this time spreading the deadly e-coli virus to the unsuspecting Taco Bell consumer (TT does not agree that Taco Bell consumers deserve what they get).

First the Deadly Spinach struck with lethal force. Then the Dreaded Lettuce. Now it is the Seemingly innocuous green onion. Our worst fears about vegetables (especially green wrinkled ones) are vindicated. The very things that governments and health authorities tell us to eat more of turn out to be silent killers!!

Bring on the fudge!! 

BAKER BOYS OFFER A WAY FORWARD

Yawn.

The Baker Boys have now unveiled the Iraq Study Group No 382's report The Way Forward: A New Approach.

First they tell us something we knew even before Iraq was invaded, that the situation is 'grave and deteriorating'. OK, we guess it's worth repeating to be sure Dubbya gets it (Mission Impossible 4).

Then they give us no new ideas. The Baker Boys say that the US cannot achieve its goals unless it deals directly with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Hmmm. Has that not been the long standing policy of the US -- up until Dubbya trashed it and threw it in the dustbin? New ideas? How about recycled ideas!

And of course we have the recommendations that Dubbya would accept as quickly as he would gay marriage or give up the ranch in Crawford - talk to the neighbours (Syria and Iran among them). Ha! Talking to the neighbours means listening to and striking bargains with the neighbours to get what you want (we aren't holding our breath). Dubbya et al are very good at 'talking at' and 'talking about' the neighbours but we aren't expecting any tea and crumpet conversations anytime soon.

Finally, the Baker Boys don't address what happens if whatever is done (whatever Dubbya wants to do) doesn't work??? Iraq Study Group 383 is being formed as we speak!!! 

LAUER SCOOPS HIMSELF - CLARIFIES IRAQ

Wow. It has been quite the year for Talking Head, Matt Lauer.

First he makes Britney cry and reveal herself - well, for what she is. White trash with talent.

Then he gets Tom Cruise to go into orbit (and trash psychiatrists etc) and reveal himself for what he is - White Trash of a Third Kind and Lottsa Money.

Now, he has clarified what is going on in Iraq, announcing on behalf of NBC that he and the network are now classifying events on the ground in Iraq as a Civil War. No more 'sectarian violence'. No more 'insurgency'. No more 'terrorist assaults'. No more 'guerilla warfare'.

Whew. While the White House fights over which euphemism to use for anarchy, blood-letting, unmitigated disaster, mess, etc., the rest of us can move on, knowing that it is a Civil War.

Too bad these great minds don't spend more time figuring out how to fix the Civil War/Insurgency/Sectarian Violence and/or extricate America from its self-inflicted quagmire (oops, maybe that hasn't been renamed yet) than arguing over the euphemism of the week!!