JUSTICE 'DE LAYED' IS JUSTICE DENIED

Ha.

TT just loves it when someone as sleazy as Tom DeLay gets their little self-constructed pedestal shaken. Grin. Smirk. We have to wear gloves when we just read about this guy the ooze is so thick.

Today's indictment may all come to naught - we suspect that violating state election laws are the least of his sins - but at least it might keep him busy enough talking to his lawyers that he won't have time to run around reinserting people's feeding tubes.

Now - if someone would just peel the onion to get to the jucier stuff (think sleazy lobbyist for Indian casinos etc does the name Abramoff ring any bells?)......No one ever accused TT of being too forgiving and we have always thought that 'innocent until proven guilty' was an overrated concept!!! The only question left for TT is if the Republicans will finally slap on a DNR (do not---under any circumstances ---recussitate).

Lucky for the Dems, the answer is probably no!. Where else are would they find such a perfect Dark Force ????? Even Dick Haliburton looks like a paragon of virtue next to this guy!!!

As Dubbya would say, Bring it on.
DeLay Is Indicted and Forced to Step Down as Majority Leader - New York Times

COKE DEAL FOR KATE MOSS

H and M, Chanel and Burberry may have dumped Kate Moss but we have it on good authority that a mystery corporation is about to sign her up as the 'face' of their product.

What a shock it must have been for Chanel et al to learn that (gasp) Kate Moss snorted a white floury substance with mood/behaviour altering properties. Who would have suspected if we hadn't seen the photographic proof??? A supermodel taking drugs?? Wow. That's quite a shocker.

We aren't shedding too many tears though. Ms Moss has been earning squillions and not likely to starve (she kinda looks like she is starving now) and, if TT sources are correct, she is poised to become the 'face' of a major Columbia based business.

Pedro 'Coca' Escobar, speaking from his base in an unknown location in rural Columbia, said that he is in contact with Ms Moss' representatives and expected to sign a multi-squillion $ deal within a matter of days.

Chanel and Burberry representatives report being shell shocked at the news that the hard smoking, hard drinking party girl might have been lured into a single moment of aberrant behaviour but said they were most shocked that she should have been careless enough to have the entire incident filmed on a tacky little unbranded cell phone --- something they simply cannot overlook.Kate Moss: Kate Moss Dropped By Burberry & Chanel

GERMANS VOTE DECISIVELY FOR GRIDLOCK

It is pretty interesting when an election in Iraq or Afghanistan is 'cleaner' than one in Germany--- that country so steeped in democracy and its critical mass of fringe whacko political parties (only the Italians can give them any competition)!!

With Angela Iron Hausfrau getting 35.3 percent of the vote and Gerhard I Am in Charge Schroder's party squeeking out 34.2 percent, both are staking claim to be Chancellor and form the next government. Now, TT doesn't want to be picky but isn't 35 more than 34? And just what was this Howard Dean-Alexander Haigesque moment Scroder was having on election night? Off the Prozac Gerhard???

Schroder seemed demented and Merkel appeared to have been recently embalmed. What a choice!!

We have it on very good authority that Al Gore is considering declaring himself Chancellor of Germany. Al, you lost. Get over it.

Dubbya, careful not to seem partisan, praised the Democratic March in Germany and pointed out that sometimes you can march on the spot. Dubbya refused to be baited by answering further questions - reminding reporters that he had another hurricane to whip up to divert attention from the John Roberts hearings. He did promise that this time Rita would sock it to ALL poor and underpriveliged people - even the white ones.Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Confusion as both Merkel and Schr?der claim. chancellorship

DAS MARRIAGE IST KAPUT

Oh dear.

While Germans (and Afghans) head to the polls they can surely be forgiven if their minds are not fully focused on casting their ballots.

They, like everyone else, have to cope with the shocking news that Renee Zellweger's 129 day marriage to That Guy in The CowBoy Hat is over. Who would have predicted it? This didn't seem at all like one of those 55 hour Vegas-quickie marriages. Quickie Beach Marriages have a much better track record - just look at Pamela Anderson (is there anyone on the planet that doesn't look at Pamela Anderson?) and the Guy With The Body Markings.

Somehow, the Germans are going to have to get over it and struggle to the polls so they can pick between those two rather unpaletable choices (gee, just like America). (The Afghans at least have sixty three unpaletable choices.) As for us, we just wish the marriage had lasted long enough for TT to remember the name of the Guy in the Cowboy Hat.CLICK FOR DETAILS ON LONG STANDING HOLLYWOOD MARRIAGE COMES TO SHOCKING END, Ms. Zellweger is also sorry the marriage didn't last long enough for her to remember the name of the Guy in the CowBoy hat......

FREEDOM ON THE MARCH ---IN THE HOUSTON ASTRODOME

Gosh.

Had it not been for Barbara Bush pointing it out, we might not have seen things were working out 'very well' for all those underpriveleged people who lost everything and are now squished into the Houston Astrodome (or other luxury digs) with 9,999 strangers.

TT has it on very good authority however, that Freedom IS on the March - and not just in the Middle East. Evacuees from Katrina have apparently voted overwhelmingly to evacuate Barbara Bush, indeed the entire Bush clan, to Iraq. Evacuees just want to share their good fortune.

Evacuees must be just jubilant at their good luck at being airlifted to Houston, Tennessee, Kentucky, Detroit, West Virginia and (gasp) Utah. Of course some will always complain. There was the guy who was catapaulted to Salt Lake City and when he noticed people staring at him, said it was like they had never seen dreadlocks there. No, sir. Mormons aren't so big on dreadlocks.

It is pretty cheeky for some to ask why they get Backwater, USA when Boone Pickens (Texas Squillionaire) organizes Operation Pet Lift to save 80 doggies (underprivileged doggies) by getting them to safety in San Diego and San Francisco. Sure those are great places but these are Man's Best Friend we are talking about.

We understand that Operation Pet Lift has identified Monaco, Cannes and Anguilla as suitable host cities for the next batch of orphan doggies.

Looks like this is turning out pretty well for man and dog.

Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans

KEVIN BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN.....

TT has it on extremely good authority that some time later this month, the City of London will be changing its name to Kevin.

The decision comes in reaction to the news that Pop Tart Spears-Federline, plans to name her son (if it is a boy), London.

What is it with celebs co-opting all these geographical designations. Surely having Britney as a mother and Kevin I Am Very Good At Propogating the Human Race is enough of a burden without having to bop through gilt-edged mansions being called London.

Bono has a daughter, Memphis. The Imperial Beckhams have Brooklyn. And, Kim Bassinger went the whole nine yards with daughter, Ireland. Can we excpect a rash of Iraqs soon? Gwyneth Paltow's progeny, Apple (or is it Fig?), starts to sound positively everyday.

The Pop Tart was wise to avoid the overused, Paris, as it is getting so common that the Paris' are even having to marry each other!!!

So, before the Great City of London, becomes Kevin and tourists have to do a tour on the Kevin Eye we suggest a final tour of the soon to be Tower of Kevin byCLICKING ON KEVIN'S TOWER. We understand that cities from Basra to Biloxi (they may be ready to do a deal to sell their name for reconstruction assistance) are watching the London move very carefully and are rumoured to be compiling appropriate name changes - should some sleezy celeb or politico poach their names.

HANG IN THERE....PRESUMABLY IN LAS VEGAS

We promised ourselves we wouldn't have another rant about the situation on the Gulf Coast of the US ---surely, Brad Pitt and Angelina have done something that merits our attention, indeed why haven't we seen Ms Joleee ministering to the unfortunate or scooping up orphans?..... BUT, TT doesn't have the best record for keeping promises to ourselves.

There are so many directions in which to point fingers that we find our digits inadequate for the task.

That having been said, we think it's a bit unfair to blame it all on Dubbya. When he did finally emerge from Crawford - even the Katrina catasrophe looked better to him than the mother of the dead soldier who has been camped on his doorstep, along with the entire intergalactic press corps - he brought words of solace and inspiration to the huddled masses. A little water would have been nice ......We bet there was some extra on Air Force One but even if Dubbya dispensed words rather than water. we are sure he packed a bunch of folks in the plane for the trip out!!!!

With tens of thousands still stranded in appalling circumstances, bodies still floating five full days after Katrina had her way with the Gulf Coast, Dubbya told the abandoned and desperate to 'hang in there'.

Huh?? 'Hang in there?' Is that not what these souls who have not already expired been doing for five days??? Definitely, inspirational words befitting the Head of State of the richest and most powerful country in the world - as it asks the European Union to send blankets (blankets??? there aren't enough blankets in the US of A?) and accepts offers of assistance from affluent countries like Sri Lanka and Honduras. Is that the sound of a superpower being humbled? Even fleetingly??

While we are ready to trash Dubbya any day, we refuse to believe the rumours that Karl Rove removed Justice Renquists IV to give the Cable Networks something else to talk about. Ridiculous. We know Renquist did it himself!!!

And, while we are at it, could someone please explain to TT how at least 1 million journalists seem to have been able to get in to even the most severely affected areas (along with working communications equipment- unlike the police and first responders) when lifesaving equipment, food, water, medicine took five days?? Good grief, even Geraldo Rivera - sleeze extraordinaire - got into the epicentre of Armaggedon!!!!

Just as we think we cannot be further shocked - surprise - we learn that 1500 New Orleans police officers are going to be given five days off ---in Las Vegas. Huh??? Are these people completely demented?

We can certainly imagine that the guys on the ground who have been dealing with this (as many saw their own homes destroyed and lost friends and family) since Katrina first flexed her muscles , need relief. Absolutely. Give these guys a break to deal with their own losses, check on their families but five days, all expenses paid in Las Vegas????

Are we the only ones who have a hard time playing the slots or blackjack when our house has been destroyed and our grannie is missing? Are we the only ones who had a Linda Blair moment at the idea of 1500 New Orleans police officers going to girly shows and spinning the roulette wheels while' Rome' sinks, a million evacuees (please can we stop calling them refugees) are homeless for some considerable period of time, and who knows how many lost or will lose their lives?

The New Orleans mayor and police chief clearly are suffering the effects of five days without water - not only is the idea as grotesque as the Scenes from the South but in their delusional state they have asked for the Federal Emergency Management Agency to pay for the trips!!!

At least FEMA, belatedly, showed some common sense and turned down the request.

TT readers who are still short of their disgust quota can CLICK HERE ON 'PLAYING THE SLOTS A BETTER USE OF MONEY THAN REBUILDING YOUR HOMES OR HELPING OUT THOSE WHO NEED IT'.

Only in America!!

WHO ATE ALL THE BEN AND JERRY'S??????

Surfacing from the Dog Days of August, TT was astonished to see the squillions of empty Ben and Jerry's containers littering our landscape.

Who ate all that Ben and Jerry's????

Well...ok, we admit to being responsible for some of the consumption.

As pre-Katrina gas prices made filling up the tank feel more like a mortgage payment, we did reach for a tub of 'Fossil Fuel'.

And, when the surgery to separate Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt was unsuccessful, the 'Wavy Gravy' helped ease our disappointment.

The empty 'Marsha Marsha Marshmallow' was pretty welcome when someone stole Dorothy's ruby slippers from the Judy Garland Museum in Minnesota (what is a Judy Garland Museum doing in Minnesota anyway? Shouldn't it be in Kansas or somewhere?).

We do recognize the 'Chunky Monkey' tub as one of ours. Pat Robertson putting out a 'hit' on Hugo Chavez pushed us towards that fat laden salve. Then, the realization that assassination sounded like a reasonable alternative to 150 billion dollar invasions as a means of takng out Evil Dictators (assuming you have your definition of Evil Dictator straight), literally propelled us to the 'New York Super Fudge Cake'. We know we are suffering from heat stroke when Pat Robertson starts making sense to us.

'Urban Jungle' provided caloric solace when the glue that was holding the 'historic' Iraqi Constitution together, melted in the desert heat. Eagle-eyed observers like TT of course saw trouble early on when the factions couldn't agree on who the 'We' is in the Preamble, 'We, the People....'. Still, we neeeded comfort to help us figure out if this 'historic' development was The Big One. Or, was last year's Draft Constitution the Big One? Or, was it the creation of the interim, temporary government? You get the picture.

When we first heard about the birth of Katrina (which started life as a tropical depression over the Turks and Caicos islands), we will admit to both a huge sigh of relief and inhaling more than our share of 'Phish Food'.

We hunkered down with some 'In a Crunch' and 'Holy Canoli' to watch the latest in a gaggle of Hurricanes (nothing to do with global warming) make its presence felt. Rather quickly though, we lost our appetitie as the scale and dimensions of the tragedy has unfolded.

We do wish people would stop pointing fingers and focus on getting help to where it is so clearly needed - sooner, rather than later. After all, who could ever have envisioned that a city built ten feet below sea level (and below the Mississippi), on a swamp, in a disease-and-scary creatre-friendly environment, directly in the path of the I-95 of tropical storms and hurricanes, might ever end up under water???

Looting? Rape? Snipers? Who could have predicted that a city with one of the highest crime rates in America and a murder rate ten times the national average might experience a breakdown of law and order? Some point to an experiment conducted by university researchers in a New Orleans suburb one afternoon last year. Researchers fired 700 blank rounds in various locations but not one person reported the gunfire. But, this can hardly be cited as evidence of a serious law and order problem now exacerbaed by the destruction of the city's infrastructure. People obviously thought there were a lot of backfiring cars in the neighbourhood.

And just what were those approximately 100,000 people (in New Orleans alone) still doing in New Orleans after a mandatory evacuation order had been issued. Just because 30% of the population of New Orleans live below the poverty line doesn't mean they didn't have the means to flee? Surely, with 24 hours notice they could have unhooked their dialysis, greased their wheelchairs , delivered their babies and got out of town???

Fortunately, there is the National Guard. Of course 30% of the best-trained members of the Guard(40% in Mississippi), and their equipment, are in Iraq but it shouldn't take more than a decade or so to get them back and ready to respond . So quit the finger pointing.

Even if Ben and Jerry's is no longer providing us with the comfort we seek, TT likes to ferret out the positive. It took Katrina and its aftermath, but the speculation as to when Dubbya might withdraw from Crawford has finally been put to rest. And, in the midst of the unspeakable, the Department of Labour has announced that 169,000 new jobs were created in the US, although we suspect they may not have subtracted the entire economies of Mississippi and Louisiana yet. These guys certainly know how to time their announcements!!!

And, one is heartened by the outpouring of offers of assistance from cities like Dallas, although we notice that Florida, mega recipient of squillions in hurricane assistance, has been very very quiet. We suspect that Dubbya et al must be cringing at the offers of international assistance from places like Russia, Honduras and (GASP) France. No word on what Iraq is ready to do yet.

TT didn't think that there was anything that would dampen our appetite for Ben and Jerry's but events on the Gulf Coast have succeeded where Richard Simmons failed. For TT readers with a stronger stomach or, who need help dealing with Maddox Jolie's BlogCLICK HERE FOR YOUR REMEDIAL FLAVOUR OF CHOICE.