DEMOCRACY IN ACTION

Hmm.

The Sinclair Broadcast Group has apparently ordered its 7 ABC stations not to broadcast tonight's edition of Ted Koppel's 'Nightline'.

Koppel is planning to read the names and show the photos of the 533 Americans who have been killed in 'hostile actions' in Iraq. Sinclair says the programme is politically motivated and will 'undermine' the troops in Iraq.


Oh, really??? Do they really think those guys are sitting around watching 'Nightline'? TT suspects this has more to do with Pentagon and White House concern about undermining support for the current administration.

We are, however, perplexed by the Nightline plan. How come only the names of those 533 who died as a result of' hostile actions'? What about the 204 who have died there in accidents or the ominous 'other' circumstances (read that suicide)??

If they were there serving their country, who are these news producers to draw a line between those deaths that qualify for airtime and those that don't??? Are they going to further break down the 'deserving' to those killed by friendly fire, those who died bravely, those who died through their own stupidity or carelessness??

And, why now? What about those killed tomorrow morning and beyond? Will there be a Nightline Supplement? Reminding us of the names and faces behind the stats is important but lets not draw too many lines. They all merit recognition.

And what about Afghanistan? Presumably NFL footballer Tillman, who had been to Iraq but was killed in Afghanistan last week will not be named? Will these folks get their own segment? When? Why separate them at all? Is it tacit admission of America's Attention Disorder --out of sight out of mind?

Sinclair Broadcasting should be reminded that the democratic ideals that presumably are part of what this war is about ,includes freedom of the press . And, Koppel and crew need to go back to the drawing board and re-think their approach. Those who died, Iraq or Afghanistan -wherever and however, deserve as much.

ADDENDUM: Koppel's show, when finally aired, DID in fact mention all 737 who have died to date in Iraq, dropping the distinction between those that died as a consequence of hostile acts and those that died as a result of accident or 'other' means. If only EVERYONE paid as much attention to TT. As for Sinclair Broadcasting -- jerks who deserve whatever backlash comes their way.

CORPORATE JETS, SUV's AND PASHMINA WRAPS

So, while the stand-off in Waco, er...we mean Fallujah....continues in a newly acquired burst of patience on the part of the Americans (patience and calling in the UN to help figure out who to hand the hot potato to on June 30 are a sure sign things are going badly), we have an almost surrealistic parallel universe with the US Presidential Campaign.

Did John Kerry throw away his medals or his ribbons or both? Good grief, the man served his country and served with distinction. He earned the medals so what if he threw them away, or the ribbons or, medals wrapped in ribbons. It was 30 odd years ago anyway folks.

What is MUCH more interesting and important is Ta-Ray-Za (also written Teresa) Kerry's tax return - or just about any other nuggets we can get our enquiring minds around.

We know she is a squillionairess with a personal fortune of about $500 million and administers a Heinz Family Trust of over $1billion but that doesn't tell us if her red and white (ketchup colours, get it?) private plane really has gold faucets (hmm. we know of a golden shower curtain that may be up for sale and which would go nicely).

We know the SUV owner met her second husband at the Earth Summit in Rio but we don't know if her ubiquitous pashmina shawl is real or not, ie does it or does it not come from the endangered Mongolian elk??

We want to know why she didn't add the Kerry (or drop the Heinz) to her name until JFK announced his bid for the Presidency. We want to know if looking supremely bored by everything her husband says and all the time, is something that comes naturally or is it a carefully crafted anti-Pat Nixon. Nancy Reagan personae?? No one can accuse her of playing the fawning political spouse.

TT wants answers. We want her tax return. And, it has nothing to do with purient interest but rather a deep and abiding interest in the philosphical underpinnings of a woman who may well be America's next First Lady (with her own, or is it a Heinz jet?).

We know the Kerry's have the pre-nup to end all pre-nups but it was only when JFK took out a mortgage on his half of their Boston mansion to fund his quest for the brass ring that we started wondering just how the Kerry finances work.

It was news to us that you can mortgage half a house. And just what happens if JFK reneges?? Which half of the house does the bank get? Does it get split horizontally or vertically??

Interesting that the Mellon bank valued the house at over $12 million for mortgage purposes (Kerry got his half as a loan)which is nearly double the city's evaluation. Justice Watch has filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission, seeking to uncover whether this was a back door way of getting around campaign finance laws that limit individual donors, even Squillionaire spouses, to $2000. And, just how is JFK supposed to pay back this money on his Senatorial salary?

In the interests of candour let's get those tax returns out there where we can pour over them and equally importantly, give us answers as to how this couple, who have 'separate financial lives' pay the phone bills, the groceries (do they each buy their own, he dining on peanut butter sandwiches and she on caviar at a candlelit table, he slapping the sandwiches together himself and she served by HER butler??). Who pays for the ski lift tickets? the house insurance? Enough of this medal and ribbon stuff. TT wants the real goods.


NOTE; TA-RAY-ZA nuggets can be sent in full confidence (heh, heh, heh) to TT at rootvegies@aol.com

CHOCOLATE CONSUMPTION = SVELTNESS

TT loves Italian scientists.

Despondent now that we know that even McDonald's salads are lethal, we were ecstatic to learn that a prestigious group of Italian scientists has concluded that eating chocolate keeps you looking younger, feeling spry and even helps the libido (if, unlike TT, such things are an issue for you).

A typical lunch, for optimal outcome, would consist of an 80 gram piece of bread and a 40 gram piece of chocolate (or an ice cream cone), supplemented by an afternoon snack of a 20 gram bar of chocolate.

TT has embraced the diet with enthusiasm. In fact, we have dropped the 80 gram piece of bread and replaced it with 120 grams of chocolate and, since we don't really need an afternoon snack we have decided on a heartier lunch - a 200 gram bar of chocolate.

Suspicious? Well. so were we but it is clearly working - only yesterday we were told we were acting like a 2 year old.

TT readers anxious to adopt a more healthful approach to living and who happen to read italian canCLICK HERE ON -LICENSE TO PIG OUT. Of course, TT cannot actually read Italian but we are confident that this is the advice you will find---of course, we are a little worried about all those references to legumi, verdure, mandarini and pesce.....

TABLOID SUPPLY RE-ESTABLISHED

Thankfully, TT's supply chain of Tabloids has now been re established and just at the crescendo of three weeks of the kiss and tell (actually, there appears to have been a good deal more than kissing involved) scandal swirling around Golden Boy, David Beckham.

He has confessed.

Of course, we knew it was true - we read it in News of the World, bastion of investigative journalism of the highest order.

Posh, the Washed Up Spice whose principle claim to fame is just that - fame (she is famous for being famous and for being married to the Golden Boy), is reportedly 'thinking of separation'. Naturally, this a euphemism for 'this is going to cost you BIG time'.

In fact, it has already cost him a $1.5 million ring but thats only a fraction of the bling bling that Kobe Bryant has had to fork over. Indeed, it is only a tiny fraction of what Scrawny Spice will have in her clutches before her 'pain' is eased.

Just in case your tabloid supply chain has also been interrupted you can see Golden Boy's chastened 'come clean' byCLICKING HERE ON 'WHO CAN BLAME HIM FOR CHEATING ON EGOCENTRIC TALENTLESS SOURPPUSS?

TT just happened to be sitting across the aisle from Loud Spice on a flight as all of this hit the proverbial fan. We were happy to lend our News of the World to Ms. Spice and can share with TT readers that Loud Spice, read every single word of the story - twice!! We are sure it was a reflection of genuine concern (heh, heh, heh) for her fellow Spice and old rivalries and hates have long since been set aside........

TABLOID DEPRIVATION THREATENS SERIOUS NEWS ANALYSIS

TT is in the acute stages of TTD (Terminal Tabloid Deprivation).

Oh sure, we have heard about the crisis in the Hollywood porn industry - apparently people have been having sex, unprotected sex (WHO would have guessed). One of the 'actors' (wink, wink) has been diagnosed with Aids and the film industry may have to shut down for---well, weeks and weeks.

But so bad is our case of TTD that we have even begun reading about how Canada was colder than Mars this winter. On one delightful winter day in Ottawa it was -21C, while in Gustav Crater on Mars it was a balmy -15C. NOW do you see how critical this interruption in our supply lines are?

If the situation is not rectified, we may be forced into a rant on Paul Bremmer's Law 39 in Iraq. Law 39 which, as Dubbya et al explain , establishes the basis for a free market economy in Iraq, permitting and encouraging foreign investment. Free?? For whom?? Law 39 allows foreign investors to remove up to 100 percent of their profits from the country.

Oh well, whomever takes over after June 30 th can surely change that, we thought. Nope. That cornerstone of democracy, the interim constitution, does not permit any of Bremmer's edicts to be modified before January 2005 when elections, apparently, will be held and a democratically elected government installed.

We think there will be a few Iraqis who will be less than thrilled to see foreign companies milking their newly free country courtesy of Paul Bremmer and the Americans. Talk about sewing sequoias of resentment......

Sigh, we can only hope that our own supply line of tabloids can be reinstated or we may be forced into more comparative weather forecasts or in depth research on the travails of the porn industry.....

Sigh.

ANOTHER LINDA BLAIR MOMENT

Deprived of the British tabloids and the David Beckham sex scandal, TT had little choice but to listen to Dubbya give us a few more Linda Blair moments.

Not only did Dubba declare himself to be perfect - well, actually he just couldn't answer the journalist who asked him what mistakes he might have made- but he turned US foreign policy for the past 40 years on its head.

Those strange sounds you hear are the cheeks of Ariel Sharon breaking as he beams at his astounding victory - getting the US to back his land grab in the West Bank.

In a matter of minutes, Dubbya gave Sharon what he and the Zionist right have wanted - choice parts of the West Bank 'for all eternity', in exchange for giving up what no one in their right mind would want, the violent and poverty ridden Gaza. What a smug smirk this must provoke in Sharon. Do smirks make sounds?

Bye bye 'Road Map to Peace'. Bye, bye Geneva, Clinton accord, Even the pretense of America being the honest broker in the Middle East has been swept away in a mind numbing about face. At least the pretense has been dropped - no risk of even-handedness here.

And where might one ask, is John Kerry (are we the only ones who find his voice droning and annoying ), getting his hair done?? Surely such an astonishing land grab, backed unilaterally by the world's superpower is worthy of some discussion in America - its consequences for America and the world would surely merit it. Or, will the guy who failed to make the cut to be Al Gore's running mate wait till things go to hell (more to hell, actually) and then pipe up with what should have been done. Surely the Democrats could have done better than this?? Talk about a void of leadership in America.

The seeds of big trouble - well, actually sequoias - have now been planted by Dubbya and not a John Kerry in sight.

Sigh.

EVIDENCE OF CHINESE TAKE-OUT IN IRAQ

In a little more than 80 days, America will hand over control of Iraq to.....well, to someone (at this stage we suspect they are ready to hand it over to just about ANYONE who will take it) who will be selected by ....well, a process yet to be determined(after getting a look at the Democratic Iowa caucuses, even the Chalabi crowd dumped on the caucus idea).

Meanwhile, as a bunch of Chinese are taken hostage, TT cannot help but wonder --who on earth are these Chinese people and what were they doing in Iraq?? Seems a bit premature for opening up a restaurant, but who knows.

TT wonders why bother to shut down a newspaper that has been printing 'inflamatory lies' for the last year. Why now? Has the 'spin machine' found its match all of a sudden?? Surely the squillion dollar budgeted 'coalition' tv channel(think Fox News, complete with big hair and big lips, only louder!!) is up to the propaganda challenge posed by this quill pen produced rag? Guess democracy is ok as long as it is in small doses.

And why, we wonder, was this tin-pot Shiite cleric Sadr permitted to build up a private militia of 3000 a year after Mission Accomplished?? Now holed up in a mosque (getting him out should make for good tv), a warrant has been issued for his arrest, all guaranteeing that Cleric Sadr is on the cusp of becoming larger than life.

TT notes that there has been some critisism of the choice of June 30 as the date for handing over sovereignty (to whomever) on the basis that it is arbitrary and premature. On the contrary. It was the only date that met the stringent criteria of being before July 1 and after June 29th. Was any other date even remotely possible? We think not. Already the 'spin' to blame the Iraquis has started. Hey, we gave them back their country on June 30 and look what a mess they are making of it!!!

Mostly though, TT just wonders how you can hand over something you don't control in the first place?? Hmmmm.

HOLD OUT GRANNY GETS FILM AND BOOK DEAL

So. Juror Number 4, a/k/a The Holdout Granny in the Tyco trial, almost got her Twelve Angry Men Fantasy (and a piss pot of other Angry People) .

Friday, the judge declared a mistrial in the Golden Shower case (also known as Tyco) , condemning us to re-live the David Spouting Vodka and the Golden Shower Curtain, AGAIN.

We think any prospective juror ought be be disqualified if they have ever seen the film Twelve Angry Men, just on principle. Of course, with trials lasting six months and longer, what else is one going to get except Old Broads with Rich Fantasy Lives and Postal Workers.

Reprimanded during the trail for her nodding approvals of various points made by defence counsel, Juror Number 4 was set to live out her Twelve Angry Men Fantasy but even she got robbed, with the mistrial. The rich and soon to be much much richer juror (think book and movie rights) was ready to acquit the Uber-Looters, apparently on the basis that they didn't think what they were doing was criminal. Of COURSE they didnt think of themselves as criminals. Those egos are so gargantuan, their sense of entitlement so huge and out of proportion - they think they 'deserved' what they took. No criminal intent in that.

We bet there are a few bank robbers and car thieves that don't think what they are doing is criminal either --just taking what life entitles them to.

TT has it on good authority that Martha Stewart has asked for a new trial on the basis that Juror Number 4 was mistakenly allocated to the Tyco trial instead of hers. And, Mark Gerigos, attorney for Slimy Scott Peterson (no bias here) has filed for yet another change of venue - this time to the Upper East Side. He apparently also plans to reject any jurors unless they are female, between 78 and 80 years of age, have a law degree, have served on the Tyco jury and fantasize about starring in Twelve Angry Men.

It's enough to make one long for a postal worker.

MULL MULCHED BY RAMPAGING TOTS

Idyllic vacation spots have been ruined by the package tour crowd, lager louts, the tasteless celebrity and now - GASP - a toddler invasion!!!

TT readers who have been holding off on taking a trip to Mull had better do it quickly before rampaging throngs of full-diapered toddlers leave it a mere shadow of its former self.

Geographically sophisticated readers will of course know that Mull is a Scottish island near Oban (think excellent single malt) but might not be aware that an incredibly popular pre-schoolers tv programme, Balamory(think Sesame Street Plus) is set in the island's capital - Tobermory.

The posh tourists with big wallets - the general demographics of TT readership -who normally visit the island, have now been replaced by rampaging hoards of toddlers it would seem. Thousands of tiny feet, fueled by pester power, are dragging their maleable parents to Mull in search of Miss Hoolie, Edie McCreadie, Josie Jump et al., swamping the local bus service and generally leaving a swath of mayhem in their paths.

The shrieking, whining toddlers arrive en masse by ferry and are, according to locals, ruthless and cheap in their relentless seach of the colourful buildings for which Tobermory is famous (well, maybe famous is an overstatement), looking for Archie's Castle or Police Constable Plum's station.

Things get pretty ugly when the toddlers fail to find their favourite characters so, at least until their attention span wanes, TT is recommending that its readers avoid Mull or simply satisfy their wanderlust - BY CLICKING HERE ON RAMPAGING TODDLERSand check out some pre-snotty nose, damp diaper snaps of this once charming little spot - so conveniently located close to an ample supply of single malt (we think the locals are going to need it).

Or, better still, just skip Mull altogether and settle for a generous portion of Oban's very excellent single malt.

BLACK HATS AND WHITE HATS HOPELESSLY CONFUSED

TT has decided to start taking better notes.

When we saw the photos this week of a radiantly smiling Tony Blair and an equally cheery looking Muamar Qudaffi, we realized that we are losing track of who wears the white hats and who the black.

Seems like only seconds ago that Tony Blair was The Great White Labour Hope and Qudaffi, the evil purveyor of terrorism, shooting planes out of the sky and generally being a very bad guy. Now, Tony is labelled, a warmonger and an infidel - at least by some - and Qadaffi seems to be everyone's new best friend and ready to help Dubbya et al fight the Evil of Terrorism.

Did we miss somthing? Isn't this the guy who shot down a passenger liner over Lockerbie?Maybe if we had taken better notes.

Was it that the Colonel (of the non-poultry variety) apologized for his wicked ways? Must be.

Pakistan's uber nuclear scientist, Dr StrangeloveButIncrediblyRich Khan, single handedly did more to spread WMDs in to the hands of those with nefarious intentions than all of the Black Hats put together. Then, after being caught, he has an Oprah-moment,and goes on TV to say, 'sorry' and is pardoned in milliseconds. Not so much as a peep from the guys that gave us the Axis of Evil. Pakistan, whose government has been turning a blind eye to their one man nuclear- proliferation- band for decades, not to mention nourishing a country garden hospitality suite for terrorists, is now America's new best friend. We haven't heard a lot of shrieks demanding democracy in Pakistan.

Keeping track is tough. A guy called Bin Laden got money and arms from America to support his fight against the Ruskies in Afghanistan. Today, he is the world's number one fugitive and bad guy. A definite Black Hat.

America gives Saddam backing while he is fighting the Iranisns but ends up reviled in a spiderhole - Black Hat.

That great democrat, M. Aristide, is ensconced by democracy- mad America but now is escorted out the back door in the middle of the night - definitely a Black Hat.

Ariel Sharon is yesterday's terrorist, thug and bully. Today he is a thug, a bully and Prime Minister.

Martin McGinnis and Jerry Adams yesterday's terrorists or terrorist supporters but 'presto', today's 'respectable' politicians.

So, the beaming faces of Tony Blair and the Colonel made quite an impression on us - we are now determined to take better notes. That is, right after we figure out which of the 37 spellings of Qadaffi's name we should use (EG. New York Times, Qaddafi; International Herald Tribune, el-Qaddafi; the Guardian, Gadafy and, TTs choice, the Libyan Embassy choice -Qadaffi). No wonder it gets confusing for TT,