FINALLY - UGLINESS TO BE REWARDED

TT will probably join squillions of others this evening and watch, at least part of, the Academy Awards.

We admit to a certain purient fascination with Hollywood's ability to savage the less than physically perfect among them . Whether it is the dreaded cellulite demon (think Carmen Diaz and Demi-Tasse Moore) or those who are poundage-challenged - either the bulking up issues of an Elizabeth Taylor or the skeletonization issues of a Lara Flynn Boyle- Hollywood is merciless with physical imprefection. And yet, Hollywood consistently loves to reward those physically perfect beings when, for their art, they transform themselves into pudgy porkers or big nosed plain janes.

Robert DeNiro packed on 50 pounds for Raging Bull and Hollywood rewarded him handsomely - of course he quickly reverted to his previously handsome self. Nicole Kidman was loudly applauded for having disfigured her classic patrician looks with a bulbous nose that frankly we didnt think was so 'disfiguring' --looked pretty normal to us. Of course, she had the advantage that she could just take the nose off at the end of the day and TT has a sneaking suspicion that had this been her real nose, she might never have been cast in the role cause she never would have had all the previous roles that lead to it. Can anyone imagine that plain jane nose in Moulin Rouge.

Then there is Renee Z. She selflessly transformed her sveltness into what most folks think of as a pretty average size for her role in Bridget Jones. In three nano-seonds after the shoot she of course emerged even svelter than before. More recently, she once again sacrificed for art by scarfing industrial quantities of Krispy Kremes to bulk up again for Briget Jones 2. Her monumental struggle to pack on the pounds has been well chronicled - indeed,TT noted she had to hire a nutritionist to help her make those bad food choices that most people are able to handle instinctively. TT sure could have given her a few tips - and for free.

Will she be rewarded this evening?? Of course, she isn't nominated for her porkier roles, but Hollywood likes to think it 'rights wrongs' so her role in Cold Mountain might get the nod and has the advantage of not having been a super glamourous role (or, we dont think so --we actually havent seen Cold Mountain Yawn and aren't likely to).

The bigger question is whether uber-glalmourous Charilize Theron (who turned herself into an uber-ugly serial killer before quickly returning to her uber-glamourous self) will be rewarded tonight for her selfless transformation??? Wouldn't it just be easier to cast someone that was already repulsive looking we wonder??

Of course not, the key to Hollywood approval is that these transformations are temporary. The glamourous quickly return to their uber glamourous selves (one shudders to think what would happen if someone couldn't revert...yikes). We notice Hollywood is a little slower to reward those who start out somewhat less than perfect -- think Kathy Bates.

Frankly, we prefer the Razzies (the anti-Oscars awarded to the Worst of the Worst) which are announced the day prior to the Oscars.

Picking the worst of the worst is so much tougher - there is so much to choose from.

TT approves of this year's choices though. Benifer swept the awards in a Titanic -type moment. Jen-Fleck picked up Worst Actress for Jiggly, joining previous winners like Madonna (she has won for every film she has made we think) and Britney Spears (who won for her one, and we hope last, film), among other acting titans.

Ben-Low, who must be smarting from his fractured romance with Jen Fleck, picked up Worst Actor for his work, not only in Jiggly but his other two films of the year as well, Daredevil and Paycheck. OUCH.

Benifer's home movie, Jiggly, challenged Titantic records being the first film ever to sweep all Top Razzies - Worst Actress, Worst Actor, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screen Play, Worst Director.....need we say more???

Yes, TT prefers the spirit of the Razzies but since they are not televised we will probably watch the Oscars instead........

GOOGLE ROCKS

TT is a self-confessed, unashamedly mega-fan of Google.

We Google everything and (TT readers take note) EVERYONE!!!!

TT is endlessly fascinated by the Google Zeitgeist, the annual global top ten lists compiled from the more than 55 BILLION searches made via Google by enquiring minds around the globe -as well as the national breakdowns.

Not only is it searing testimony to the sameness of the human condition but equally importantly, we think, an eloquent statement about the differences in cultural mores, priorities and preoccupations. As Googlies stuggle to inform themselves about The Big Issues they betray both the bonds that are shared and those that divide.

TT was somewhat surprised to see that in the 2003 global Zeitgeist the phrase most typed into Google was not, as one would expect, 'Turnip Top', but (yuk) Britney Spears!!! And that was before B.S.'s 55 hour Vegas marriage... Of course, it could have been worse---it could have be Ben-Low who interestingly did not emerge in the Global Top Ten - clearly Googlies have some perspective.

The number two and three spots were occupied by Harry Potter and the Matrix respectively. Iraq came 7th, right after something or someone called 50 cent. Perhaps 50 cent is code for Global Warming??? Of course, if one looks only at news searches, Iraq does pop up as number one but our stuanch belief in the purient tendances of the human psyche were refreshingly reconfirmed with the number two news search --Laci Peterson --and number 3 --Kobe Bryant.

Interesting anomalies emerge in the national zeitgeist for the year.

In spite of British chronic complaining about the monarchy, Prince Charles garnered the most hits for the UK (we aren't sure where the butlers figured on the list). TT is still mulling the implications of the UK top ten which includes both Winnie the Pooh and Paris Hilton and Michael Jackson. We are sure it means something profound but we haven't quite figured out what.

The Canadians retained their reputation for wholesomeness (also defined as boring) by registering more hits for Finding Nemo than for anything else in the entire world for the entire year - go figure. However, in what is clearly a response to those long bone-chilling winters, the January 2004 (yes, there is a monthly Google Zeitgeist ) Zeitgeist shows Canadians knocked Nemo and friends out of top billing and handed that honour over to Paris Hilton.

The Germans are obsessed, it would seem, with something called Yu-Gi-Oh, some sort of card game from Japan --huh???? We are still trying to figure out the geopolitical consequences of this.....

And then there were the French ---confirming TT's view that they may do great wine and some pretty tasty cuisine but are basicly boring---who annointed SNCF, the national railway, with the numbero uno spot.

TT was initially a little disappointed that we didn't place in the Top Ten, although if every TT reader googled Turnip Top approximately 1/20th of a billion times we would be a shoe-in for the 2004 list. We quickly got over our disappointment when we realized that the common thread in the global and national lists was clearly the obsession with the trivial, the gossippy, the inconsequential ---the antithesis of TT.

Readers can enjoy the monthly Google Zeitgeist but we think it would not be in the spirit of things to provide you with the link -you are gonna have to Google it!!!!!

BLIND MAN REGAINS SIGHT -- DUMPS UGLY WIFE

TT is saddened by the passing of a journalistic icon and inspiration, Eddie Clontz.

Clontz, father of NEWS OF THE WORLD, wicked stepsister of the National Enquirer, brought us those inch high sans serif headlines like; 'ARHCEOLOGISTS FIND MIDDLE EARTH IN NEW JERSEY SWAMP', 'TINY TERRORISTS DISGUISED AS GARDEN GNOMES' and 'SEVEN CONGESSMEN ARE ZOMBIES'.

It is true that when a story relied on 'scientific' evidence, those scientits ususally turned out to be Bulgarian and hard to track down stories tended to be datelined, Bolivia but TT sees nothing suspicious in that. Everyone knows that strange stuff happens in Boliva and as for those Bulgarin scientists, its hardly their fault they they are so prolific.

Clontz famously gave us the report that 'ELVIS IS ALIVE - King of Rock n' Roll Faked his Death and is Living in Kalamazoo, Mich' and, of course, BAT BOY, the boy with large ears, amber eyes and who ate his own weight in insects daily (found by scientists in a West Virginia cave).

Clontz followed up his stories with, as we know, endless Elvis sightings until he presumably got bored and killed off the resurrected Elvis; 'ELVIS DEAD AT 56'in 1993. And , he gave us the human interest stories like, 'BLIND MAN REGAINS SIGHT AND DUMPS UGLY WIFE.'

Nostalgic TT readers can relive the full BAT BOY SAGA -- BAT BOY, falls in love, escapes, is captured by the FBI and even endorses Al Gore for President. CLICK HERE FOR BAT BOY,AL GORE AND OTHER GREAT CLONTZ MOMENTS.

TT ADMITS WMD ERROR

It doesn't happen often but when TT is wrong (well, maybe 'wrong' is too strong a word) we acknowledge it.

It seems like WMDs HAVE been located in Iraq afterall -in Hatra, south of Mosul, to be precise.

Of course the weapons aren't quite what some would have had us believe but a weapon of mass destruction is still a weapon of mass destruction. Bushies appear to have been vindicated.

Investigators have uncovered clay pots that were once filled with scorpions and dropped on the heads of invaders by the citizens of Hatra at the turn of the third century!!

The Roman seige of Hatra lasted only 20 days ( Shock and Awe lasted longer than that, maybe the Pentagon could exchange some of those costly missiles for flower pots) before the Romans fled in the face of these fearsome biological and chemical weapons. Flower pots full of scorpions sure does it for us!!! Talk about terror.....

If only the Bushies read books they might have stumbled on classical folklorist Adrienne Mayor and learnt exactly where to locate at least some of the 'stockpiles' of WMDs.

The more literate and curious of TT readers can check this out themselves - along with accouonts of the plague-bearing booby traps used in the Peoponnesian War by CHECKING OUT 'GREEK FIRE, POISON ARROWS, AND SCORPION BOMBS;BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL WARFARE IN THE ANCIENT WORLD (CLICK HERE).

Phoooey to those that think TT is devoted to the mindless and superficial!!!

RAMPAGING BRIDES GO NUTS

TT thinks it is a fine idea that the government investigate the now infamous 'NippleGate' but we think the investigation should be broadened to look at the whole question of broadcasting standards.

Only this weekend TT was forced to watch, as part of what purported to be news, something so horrible and so offensive that we can barely think about it let alone comment on it.

Pamploma has the running of the bulls but Feline's (a department store we hope never to visit) basement has what has been termed 'the running of the brides - and run (as well as claw, scratch, gouge and push) they do. It makes Dante's Inferno look inviting!!

There, sandwiched between bomb blasts in Iraq (or was it Iraqistan or Haiti or....) was news coverage of the annual Filene's Basement Wedding Sale- not so much a word of warning about the graphic nature of what we were about to see.

Once a year, in half a dozen cities where Filene's have stores, there is a one day sale of wedding dresses(actually it doesn't last a day -even the store admits that it takes about 60 seconds after the store opens for the rampaging, wild-eyed brides to clean off the racks).

Women (we did see a few thoroughly outclassed men) vie for the roughly 1000 wedding dresses- which normally retail for between $500 and $1000-- all on sale for the single price of $289 each.

These brides wouldn't know a blush if they tripped over it. They start lining up, sometimes with sleeping bags etc., the night before in sneaker-footed gear (better traction for when those doors open the night before). Most come in 'teams' (even Filene's recommends outfitting your team in disctinctive colours or hats so you can keep track of them in the crush).

When those doors open at 8.00 on sale day, up to a thousand women storm (Pamploma looks pretty tame in comparison) and, within 60 seconds the racks are stripped.

Wild-eyed women grab as many dresses as they can, as do their team mates. Handily dressed for ease of fittings (don't even think about fitting rooms- these crazed babes just strip it all of right there to do the trying on) then begins the bartering (a euphemism for stomping on someone else and grabbing a dress that looks closer to their taste or size).

Little could have prepared us for these scenes of carnage and, what of the children??? shouldn't such scenes be restricted to after 900pm viewing??

No self respecting TT reader would ever contemplate particpating in such a scene but we do rather like the fact that the store itself provides 10 tips for success in the event.

We particularly like the the entreaty to 'be fair' and give up dresses as quickly as possible (ie once you've decided that you look like crap or that no amount of Atkins will ever succeed in getting you into that dress).

Ya, fairness, sure. Have they looked into the eyes of these crazed, drooling women???

Expecting fairness from these alien creatures is rather like expecting Scott Peterson to confess --don't hold your breath.

TT is pretty outraged to see this crashing univited into our living room and certainly there are no set of circumstances under which we can imagine ourselves or anyone we know even remotely contemplating engaging in such shenanigans ---of course, there is that Vera Wang basement sale we have been hearing about......

TT Readers who have an intellectual curiousity in the advice been given by Filene's for success in this Titanic Struggle shouldCLICK HERE ON 'GET THESE WOMEN ON HORMONE THERAPY FAST!!!.

ICON IMPLOSION - AMERICAN CULTURE AT RISK

TT barely blinked when Liza and David imploded and the Ben-Low devolution was a welcome, if far too predictable, relief.

What we were not prepared for was the announcement, right before Valentine's Day no less, that Barbie and Ken are splitting!!!

Their representatives (stars never issue their own announcements) gave the usual explanations: 'they have grown apart', 'they needed time alone', they will 'remain friends' etc etc. One spokesman was even quoted as saying Barbie was reclaiming her identity as a 'carefree and independant ' California girl.

TT isn't buying it!!!

A ' carefree, California girl'??? This 'girl' was born in 1959 - it's been some time since she could claim girlhood, we don't care how many botox and silicone parts she has.

As is usual with celebrity splits, the rumour mill is running rampant. Some have surmised that Barbie dumped Ken for the toy-boy surfer dude Blaine. Barbie and Ken have been together for 43 years and heaven knows how many wedding dresses she has in her vast closets - this woman has patience and we dont think after all that time and all those wardrobe changes she would get her head turned by some surfer dude with a limited wardrobe.

No, we think there is something else going on here.

It is our view that the prospect of an ammendment to the US constitution circumscribing the definition of the matrimonial state to one to be enjoyed (enjoyed may not be the right choice of words here)by a man and a woman (no gays, lesbians or plastic dolls need apply) has stripped them of any hope of tying the knot. They split because of an absence of hope - and a refusal to spend one more dime on wedding dresses.

Of course, TT is somewhat perplexed by this juggernaut - now supported apparently by Dubbya.

How come its ok and legally recognized for Britany Spears to get married for 55 hours after a bender in Vegas and then just as quickly get the whole thing erased like it never happened?? But apparently, it isn't ok for a committed couple who have been together for 43 years to get married. Would that be because they are dolls? because they are gay dolls (there have always been rumours about Ken and GI Joe)?

Those who worry about our collective moral health say it has at least something to do with procreation but if that is the case then marriage is surely off limits to 'mature' or infertile women or folks who just hate kids (an admirable quality we think). Lots of gay and lesbian couples adopt kids so how is this different from hetrosexuals or plastic dolls who adopt (or dont adopt) kids??? Surely, being gay is not the issue for these folks?? Do they mean that its ok for a gay man and a lesbian woman to marry each other and keep mistresses and masters on the side? We are confused.

We cannot help but wonder what that constitutional ammendment will look like : ' marriage will be restricted to one heterosexual man and one heterosexual woman who will try their damdest to procreate, but not too often, unless they cannot, or hate kids, or are too old and who will remain faithful to one another exclusively, unless they stray or end up hating each other and....'

This is just too complicated for TT. We will deal with the Barbie and Ken split but cannot help but wonder what's next?? Mickey Mouse adopting Kermit the Frog??

TT readers who want to read more about the Ken and Barbie split can CLICK HERE ON 43 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN.

CANADIAN KNICKERS IN BIG TWIST

Oh, oh.

It would seem that Canadians have their knickers in a twist over Conan O'Brien.

Apparently, the Government of Ontario, flush with cash, lured O'Brien to Toronto to tape his show for a week - paying him CDN$1 Million (USD$ 76.50). Some bright spark seemed to think that this would help bring back all those touristas who disappeared following the SARS scare (not to mention the strengthened Canadian dollar or the fact that you cannot get a drink on a Sunday without ordering a twelve course meal!).

Conan did what most tourists to Toronto do - he headed to Quebec, where he filmed a segment with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (one would have thought that the name alone might have given someone a clue even if they hadn't caught the puppet -yes, it's a puppet- doing its purile, sophmoric and generally unfunny routine).

Now, politicians and editorialists are screaming, 'racist', 'vile' and other very Canadian epithets. Triumph is reported to have implied that everyone in Quebec is gay (among other things) and while many would consider that a great compliment, apparently Canadians are not among them.

Triumph and O'Brien renamed a few streets ('rue des pussies' and ' rue de quebecqueer', 'rue Celine Dion Sucks' - that puppet sure knows how to call a spade a spade) and Canadians are steaming mad!! OK, there was the comparison between Canada and the Baring Straight - 'without all the activity'-but unless you have been to the Baring Straight, hard to see what is so distressing.

What did these people expect?? Legions of late night American comics to flock to Canada on vacation?? Last time we looked, Late Night television was generally a zone after the bedtime of 'normal' folks and pretty much anything goes. At least the puppet didn't have its boddice ripped off, exposing whatever a puppet conceals beneath it.

TT has neither seen nor heard the offending trash talking puppet but we think the Canadians should get a grip. Their spleen seems to be vented towards the wrong puppet - what they SHOULD be outraged at are the dorks who spent $1million taxpayer dollars on getting an American late night tv comedian come to tape a show in the Frozen Tundra. Guess once they had fixed the roads, schools, health care, the deficit and secured world peace there were some sheckels left over!!

If, like TT, you missed the trash-talking puppet, you can still read about it byCLICKING HERE ON PUPPET ANGERS CANADIANS.

WHEN PILOTS 'SHARE'

Based on US 'intelligence' reports, BA has once again (is it the sixth or seventh time?) cancelled the infamous Flight 223 (from London Heathrow to Dulles airport in Washington) this coming Sunday.

Now, we don't know about TT readers but this sure provokes a lot of questions from TT.

For starters, is there anyone left even trying to book on Flight 223?? Why??

Now, these intelligence reports, would these be from the same folks that bombed the Chinese Embassy in Kosovo because they were using an old street map? Maybe Dubbya's Green Ribbon Commission charged with looking into those incomprehensible (to no one except Dubbya and The Boys) intelligence failures could fast forward to a recommendation that the CIA be provided with up to date maps of countries on which they are spying (er, researching). And don't get us going on WMD!!

And what is it with these terrorists?? Do they only work on weekends?? Are they so unimaginative that they cannot focus on other flights? other airlines? other days of the week?

And frankly, as if flying hadn't become enough of a hassle it would seem that we have to worry about Religious Zealots in the cockpit -and not Muslim zealots.

TT figures it has to have been more than mildly unnerving to have been on AA flight 34 from LA to NYC last week when the pilot came on the intercom and asked Christians to raise their hands. Last few times we have heard of someone in the cockpit invoking God (or Jesus, for that matter) it was the 9/11 highjackers or the Egypt Air pilot (who then promptly took the plane into a nosedive into the sea). Were people supposed to feel more comforted because it was an American voice invoking Christianity?? Sure doesn't do much for our comfort level.

The pilot urged passengers (hostages at 37,000 feet in a sardine can) who had not raised their hands to not waste their trip reading or watching movies but to chat to those who had raised their hands about their faith. Hello?? And people think Muslims have cornered the market on religious extremism?

AA spokespeople characterized this outburst as a "sharing" that might not have been appropriate - ok, well, we would like our pilots to keep their minds on flying, their hands on the wheel (or whatever it is they steer planes with) and their 'sharing' to the pretzels and beverages dispensed by the flight attendants.

Another AA spokesperson said the pilot had been at a Christian Camp (gimme the non-Christian ones PULEEEEZE) and had been carried away with enthusiasm from the experience.....hmmmmm.

TT would humbly suggest that next time this pilot send himself to a nudist camp!!!

In the unlikely event that TT readers missed the story about the Messianic PilotCLICK HERE ON SPOOKY PILOT.

BOTTICELLI IN A PATCH

CBS was apparently so contrite about "NippleGate" that they instituted a nine hour delay (actually only a five minute delay) between the 'live' Grammy show and the transmission. Presumably the idea was that if there should be another bodice ripping display (or its moral equivalent- an advertisement for erectile disfunction) there would be enough time to whisk the offenders off screen and substitute them with Nora WhatEver Her Name is or the TeleTubbies (excluding the gay one of course!).

The delayed action at least had the advantage of giving TT time to catch up on the latest advances and miracles of modern medicine (not to mention eating an 11 course meal).

Our time was not wasted. In fact, we think we have found our nominee for next year's Nobel Prize in Medicine - a spunky little Israeli company called Power Paper.

PowerPaper has 'discovered' a disposable electrical moisturising lotion/patch which is the equivalent of a facelift - without the needles, scalples, or risks (death or dismemberment) of plastic surgery. Too bad Olivia Goldsmith hadn't heard about this. (Goldsmith, the author of First Wive's Club, died recently during liposuction or some such similar cosmetic procedure).

This little gizmo (patches actually) can be self-applied in only 20 minutes. The patch contains a super thin battery made from ink and paper impregnanted with 'hydrogel' moisturiser. When it comes in contact with the skin it releases a tiny electical jolt (YIKES- probably means one shouldn't perform the metamorphisis in the bath ) which, according to the manufacturer, means the moisturiser penetrates the skin 100 times faster (they dont actually say faster than what) and PRESTO, all visible signs of age are gone in a flash. Not a wrinkle or crowsfoot in sight.

It is temporary of course, and being marketed for use before you go out for a special evening.

Now, we do see a few possible 'wrinkles'. The miraculous effects of the patch are only good for an evening (hmmm) but just how long is an evening?? Would it be enough to get you through cocktails, dinner and a gyration or two at a club? Or, would one need to skip the club or risk a disaster of Cinderella proportions? (Remember what happened to the coach, horsemen etc).

And what pray tell of dinner and an amourous interlude? Presumably, 'good for the evening' means just that - no staying the night folks.

It is also not clear how the patch's miraculous effects reverse themselves. Does the process which turns wizened prune into egg-smooth botticelli babe (or guy) stop gradually(allowing time for a quick get away) or is it just one big giant shock for whoever is gazing into your eyes??

TT thinks this is a significant development but that PaperPaper needs some pretty precise instructions re use and duration before we are quite ready to put their names forward to the Nobel Committee. Imagine the medical emergencies which could be engendered by miscalculating the duration of efffects. Definitely NOT a pretty thought and definitely NOT a pretty sight.

TT readers can of course check out FROM WIZENED PRUNE TO COVERGIRL/BOY IN 20 MINUTES. TT of course does not need such artifice but we know many of our readers sure do.

ERECTILE DISFUNCTION OK SAYS GOVT AGENCY

It would be easy for TT to be diverted from "NippleGate" (the infamous bodice-ripping of Janet Jackson by Justin LogPond during the televised SuperBowl).

WMD spin has escalated to epic proportions and it would be easy to get caught up in all of that. TT, however, remains focused - we are not so easily distracted.

TT applauds the decision of the FTC (headed by one of the WMD spinners sons) to investigate the "NippleGate" incident. Some wonder if the FTC doesn't have better things to do but TT for one welcomes this initiative. How else are we to know what is ok and what not ok to see during the SuperBowl???

Just by launcing the investigation we know it is ok to see erectile disfunction advertisements (clearly this is a problem of epidemic proportions and running ads in the superbowl borders on selfless, public service spots), see Kid Rock draped in an American flag poncho (style at its most patriotic) and to 'dirty dance' (appropriately preceeding the bodice ripping scene).

Janet Jackson has apologized with an expression rather similar to the one worn by someone with a gun to their head. Justin LogPond has moved from "wardrobe malfunction" to "I was duped" and Jackson has either been booted from or forced to withdraw from the Grammys, while LogPond will still perform. So, now we know its ok to be the bodice ripper (as long as you are duped into thinking there is flimsy underwear underneath and are up for five Grammys) but it is definitely not ok to be the 'rippeee', especially if there is only a nipple tassle underneath and you are a 'used to be' .

These complex questions (and their answers) can tend to get lost in the 'fog of war' but happily there is the FTC who bring all its resources to bear to expose the bare truth (with or without tassles).

We should all be thankful to get clarity on what we can and cannot see (what is SuperBowl appropriate and what isn't) but we would like to see the FTC expand its mandate. Why restrict it only to the SuperBowl? Should we HAVE to see Dick Cheney visiting the Pope? Do we HAVE to see Paris Hilton, with or without clothes? Do we have to see Saddam having his hair checked for lice?

So many conundrums, so few clear answers. Thank Goodness for the FTC we say.

OPPOSITION TO WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS GROWING

"Superbowl breast flash causes moral outrage!", screams the headline on ABC's website CLICK HERE ON BREAST FLASH.

Of course, there is no vested interest in ABC reporting on the moral outrage televised on CBS.

TT didn't see the superbowl but by some amazing process related to osmosis we have seen Justin LogPond rip Janet I Want the Limelight Back Jackson's bodice open (doesn't everyone wear a silver tassle under their bodice?). We estimate we have seen it several quizillion times in fact (not to mention having seen all the Superbowl commercials).

Intersting that all of these morally outraged mediia outlets keep playing it over and over and over and......no clips of the superbowl of course.

LogPond and Jackson have apologized (yeh, sure...whatever) and LogPond has attributed it to a "wardrobe malfunction". A "wardrobe malfunction"???? Some eyebrows have shot up on that one but while TT has never quite encountered a 'wardrobe malfunction' of this nature, we do have some experience with the 'malfunctions' that come with jeans that haven't quite grown along with the owner.

The audience for the 'moral outrage' first seen by a squillion superbowl viewers has now, of course, been seen by 276 squillion viewers, none of whom actually saw the superbowl (or who could tell you who played or who won).

Thank goodness the federal government is looking into it. Wardrobe malfunctions must be stopped - a line drawn in the sand.

Speaking of which, TT plans to do our part in squelching the wardrobe malfunction madness and cut out the Ben and Jerrys - right NOW. We are also purchasing a number of silver tassles that can be strategically placed - just in case.