Wednesday, August 11, 2010

HIT THAT SLIDE.....


Lift a glass to Steven Slater, the Jet Blue flight attendant who quit his job in a manner the rest of us can only dream about.

'Hit that Slide' will now go down in history as the motto of all those who have dreamt it, wished it, wanted it...but just didn't quite have the moxi to see it through.

Three cheers for Steven Slater.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

WORLD ENDS...............


It is over - the world as TT knows it is over.

Yesterday, TT agreed with Glen Beck. It's a scary scary thought that the same people in the White House who raced to assist in the electronic lynching of Sherry Sherrod are the same folks with their hands on the nuclear button...............

Someone should be fired - immediately - and it isn't Sherry Sherrod,

Friday, July 16, 2010

BACK AND AS MONOSYLLABIC AS EVER

It's enough to make you yearn for the non stop video coverage of oil spewing into the gulf of Mexico.

Bristol, apparantly unable to 'eeek' out a living as a teen pregnancy spokesperson, and Levi J, challenged by stringing six words together to make a sentance, have decided to marry their skills and put this 'anyone can be famous' theory to the test.

We sure hope the oil continues to spew indefinitely or we know we are going to be subjected to a reality show about coping with young love and a kid in the absence of a high school education.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

McCHRYSTAL TO BE REPLACED

The world holds its breath waiting to see if the Rogue General McChrystal will resign, be fired or if O will hold another beer summit and 'teachable moment'.

TT has it on excellent authority that the White House will replace the Out of Control General with a Predator drone (frankly he should have been fired when he fudged the circumstances of the death of Paul Tillman and never had the chance to talk to Rolling Stone - Rolling Stone??? What was he thinking?).

Friday, June 18, 2010

SMALL PEOPLE FIND CHAMPION IN BP CHAIRMAN

The handsome, urbane (and articulate) Swedish Chairman of BP cares so much about the small people impacted by his company's under water oil volcano that he had to tell those small people at least three times how deeply he cares.

He cares so deeply for those small creatures that he dragged himself from his yacht in the South Pacific(the same south pacific where there are no oil rigs) to go to Washington and tell the world how much he, the President of the United States and everyone who works for BP care about those small folks.

Or, did he mean, Little People - the same ones that Leona Helmsley once identified as the only ones who pay taxes?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

O CHANNELS CLINT EASTWOOD

We don't expect Presidents to talk about 'kicking ass' on prime time tv and if we did, it wouldn't be O. Are there any other words coming out of this man's mouth that could sound so unlikely and insincere?? At least Dubbya's ' bring it on' sounded authentic.

O told Matt Lauer that he met with experts so he would know 'whose ass to kick'. Huh??? You need experts to know whose ass to kick - this after 50 days of an underwater volcano of oil spewing its sludgy poison into the Gulf? The rest of us knew whose ass to kick within days and we didn't need any ass kicking experts.

We knew O would disappoint us, we just didn't think it would be in the area of competence.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BP ANNOUNCES BOLD NEW BACK UP TO THE BACK UP PLAN

You just have to love the creativity and persistence of these sleeze-soaked BP guys.

They have tried to cap the Gulf Gusher with a 'Dome', a 'Top Hat', some kind of giant straw and one of our favourites - the junk shot -by which they shoot old tires, golf balls and other junk into the hole to try and plug the leak (think Dutch boy and dike).

Today, however, BP announced that if today's Top Kill effort is unsuccessful they will employ The Executive Stuff technique. This will involve stuffing BP executives into the hole until it is plugged and the oil stops gushing.

Some environmentalists are not enthusiastic claiming that the oil oozing from so many BP executives could do more harm than the gargantuan quantities of oil.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

STATE OF THE UNION??? OBVIOUS WE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

TT plans to skip the State of the Union address. We don't really need O to tell us what we already know.

We plan to continue celebrating the 50th anniversary of bubblewrap - O we can get anytime!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

TSUNAMI HITS MASSACHUSETTS!!!

Funny thing about Massachusetts. It isn't usually in a tsunami zone but there was nothing usual about this temper tantrum from Mother Nature.

TT saw the wave coming and prepared ourselves but clearly - and that would include POTUS et al - a lot of people got caught napping. POTUS' 7 months of sliding poll numbers didn't seem to have much impact on the White House. Growing opposition and plunging support for the Health Care Debacle also seems to have gone unnoticed - or if noticed, dismissed as not meaningful (ah the Arrogance Factor),

Now we have POTUS explaining what happened as 'rage - the same rage that swept me to office', Oh Oh. He doesnt get it. The 70% of independents who abandoned the Democrats for a Cosmo playmate (he is kinda cute in the buff) were in a rage but a rage towards Congress and O. This is 'New Rage'. A year of Health Care shenanigans, sleazy deal making and back room tradeoffs when most Americans were thinking jobs, jobs, jobs. We could go on and on but we won't. O told ABC that because he/his administration had been busy with various crises, they hadn't had time to talk directly to the American people.

Huh? Talk about a bubble. This guy has done nothing BUT talk directly to the American people. He is endlessly giving interviews, making speaches, announcing stuff. His face is everywhere - even Golf Digest with the Tiger.

If O thinks the problem is that he hasnt been talking directly to the American people often enough, we see many more tsunamis. The problem isn't one of talking its one of listening.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

HE DID IT ----AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN....


OK. TT admits it. We just cannot get enough of the Tiger Woods flame out.

It has already given us 4 more days than the average sex scandal and we just cannot look away.

Bad as it is, it is still more entertaining than having to think about Viet Nam...er, we mean Afghanistan. Better than the health care train wreck (thank goodness for a Parliamentary system with 'socialized' medicine). Better than melting ice caps and Nuclear Nut Jobs.

Tiger is surely not the first athlete to indulge in 'transgressions' (now morphed into 'infidelities) but while we expect bad behaviour from the Baketball and Football Boys, we really weren't primed for a golf goof - and certainly not from mr Focus and Discipline and not, shall we say, in such volume and sheer recklessness.

So many questions. How is it that the richest athlete in sports history doesn't have better taste in women? When can we expect the sex video to surface? (Tiger lawyers have obtained an injunction to prevent UK publication of nude photos or sex tapes of The Man -- surely one doesnt take out an injunction on something unless it exists?). Can a Love Child be far behind? What are the chances TWs pre-nup will hold up (not)?

Then there is the whooshing sound - the sound of angst ridden corporate sponsors running as far and fast as they can. Accenture (with the unfortunate - Go On, Be a Tiger tag line) is busy purging its ubiquitous billboards and advertising featuring TW. TT thinks this shows a lack of imagination. Accenture says TW no longer is a good representative of their business but surely for such a huge promoter of outsourcing, TW has given 'outsourcing' a whole new visibility.

Gillette is receeding into the weeds, Heuer (What Are You Made Of?) has gone silent. And Amex ('Turning Heads' - they cannot say he isn't living up to the slogan) has also beat a retreat to the shadows. Nike, seems to stand alone in its staunch support for Tiger (and their 800 million dollar golf business) but everyone knows Nike will throw money at anything. These are the same guys who signed Tanya Harding AFTER she attacked her skating nemesis.

Then there are those rather unfortunate ads promoting the TW golf courses (and the luxury homes adjascent). As recently as last weekend, we saw TW strolling the greens in South Carolina talking about how life priotities change when you have children and a family (yeah, right)....well, you get the drift. Not quite sure what these guys will do to replace all that.

Hard to imagine how the Teflon Man can come back, at least in terms of his gargantuan endorsement income but our advice to TW is - get back out on that golf course soon and WIN WIN WIN. We cannot help but wonder though if, absent his 'stress release' method of choice, can he really come back to even a shadow of his former self? Talk about train wrecks......

Thanks Tiger for giving us something else to think and talk about this Festive Season.
Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 03, 2009

TIGER, TIGER BURNING NOT SO BRIGHT



Tiger apparently cannot say it ain't so.

Of course, TT has known since the first reports of the 2.30 am crash into a fire hydrant and tree on Woods property, that he was fleeing a wife (armed with the oh so appropriate selection of a golf club as weapon) enraged by the discovery of her husband's 'transgressions. Let's face it, when a guy who can hit a teeny weeny little white ball a squillion feet without hitting a tree hits a tree with a humungous SUV,
can an extramarital affair (or three) be far behind????









Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NORTHWEST AIRLINES - TAKING YOU BEYOND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO!!!!

Northwest Airlines today announced a new marketing slogan - TAKING YOU BEYOND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.

Executives at the airline said that while they are trying to figure out what REALLY happened in that cockpit (does anyone buy the 'looking at work schedules on laptop computers' story?), they feel they can take advantage of a commercial opportunity.

Effective Saturday the 31 of October, the airline will guarantee that all passengers will be able to go at least 150 miles beyond where they want to go and at no extra charge.

'Tell us where you want to go', said Kurt Unlikelystory, Northwest VP of Sales, 'and we will take you way beyond that. We call it our Destination Plus programme.'

Mr Unlikelystory also announced that effective October 31, all Northwest cockpits would be equipped with the Guitar Hero game.
Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I-PHONE LAUNCHING BALLOON HOAX DETECTOR

Steve Jobs, invigorated from his liver transplant, has announced that the i-phone and google are collaborating to produce dynamite software which will enable i-phone users to detect balloon hoaxes.

Media outlets will be able to avoid devoting four hours or more of following flying saucer balloons constructed from tin foil and string floating through the air - just press the BHD (Balloon Hoax Detector) button.

Law enforcement can, by aiming the i-phone at small children, be able to detect hoaxes days before the small children reveal any hoaxes on national television.

Talking heads will be able to detect hoaxes without having to wait for small children to puke on national television.

In the event that media outlets do not use their BHD capability and broadcast endless hours of live coverage to floating tin foil flying saucers, i-phone operators will be able to switch their television viewing to endless re-runs of the Wizard of Oz by simply pressing their BHD button.

Wall Street reacted positively to the announcement and Apple stock jumped $12 in today's trading.
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 10, 2009

FOR WHOM THE 'NO-BELL' TOLLS......

We admit it.

Even TT was surprised that O was awarded this year's Nobel Prize for Peace. It was a nice touch though that he left a 'war council' meeting to publicly acknowledge and accept the award.

In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have been too surprised. Word on the street is that he is a shoe-in for an Academy Award, very likely to be named NFL Player of the Year and has acquired a tiaria in anticipation of being named Miss Universe.

Our question is who nominated him ??? We don't have 50 years to wait for the answer. We can narrow the possibilities down slightly because we KNOW he wasn't nominated by one William Jefferson Clinton!
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 19, 2009

NO PLACE TO RUN....NO PLACE TO HIDE!!

He is here, there and EVERYWHERE!!!

About the only chance TT has of avoiding the Sunday Talk Show Obama Assault tomorrow, is to keep the TV stuck on Fox.

Speaches, Town Halls, Congressional addresses, Press Conferences.... it is endless.

We cannot even pick up a copy of Men's/Women's/Children's Health without his picture on the cover. Do these guys not understand that just because there is a 24/7 news cycle, that doesn't mean we have to have O 24/7.

Now apparently O will darken the doors of no less than 5 network Sunday talk shows (no Fox of course!). And, that is to be followed by Letterman. Enough. Enough. Enough.

What next? CSI? Law and Order? America's Got Talent? Dancing with the Stars?

Will someone please give this man the health reform he wants so maybe we can get some respite?? Maybe this is the new waterboarding.............
Posted by Picasa

Friday, September 04, 2009

IS THAT THE SMELL OF MELTING WAX????

It had to happen.

We just didn't think it would happen quite so soon or so fast.

Icarus Obama's poll numbers are in a dizzying downward spiral while unemployment corkscrews its way upwards.

Icarus is watching his signature issue (health care reform) staring down into the abyss of failure. His town hall meetings, speachifying, op eds, infomercials and soon, an address to Congress, have all failed to communicate what is, in the face of an economic meltdown, the urgency of reforming health care. People want the economy fixed. If health care is as important or necessary to fix the economy - O's non-stop presence on the airwaves has failed to communicate that. He has failed to articulate HOW healthcare needs to be reformed. He has failed to communicate what is to be reformed ? He has failed to adequately explain how one can insure millions more people and pay for it by cutting waste from Medicare which wouldn't curb benefits or start pulling the plug on grandma (the biggest costs are in the final year of life). It isn't entirely loony for old people to have questions about billions in cuts in Medicare and 'end of life counseling'. Icarus has failed to explain just what the 'reform' is. There are so many bills with so many provisions, how is anyone expected to sort through it when the Explainer in Chief cannot explain it?

How has it come to this? Arrogance.

It remains to be seen whether it is a terminal disease and whether it is covered by insurance.
Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Yes, WEE-WEE' CAN PUT THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER BEHIND US...

TT sure hopes that O got away on vacation.

These dog days of summer have brought us tv images of guys with assault rifles showing up at 'town hall' meetings where the President is scheduled to speak (hey guys, just cause it's legal doesn't mean it's appropriate), shouting seniors screaming about losing their medicare and of course, The Death Panels.

When the President of the United States has to go on television (again) and tell America that he doesn't want to 'pull the plug on gramma' you just know those Dog Days are out of control. Really out of control.

President O himself acknowledged the Dog Days of August, saying that people get 'wee-weed' in August in Washington. Wee-weed? Is that a pre-existing condition? Would an Obamacare plan cover its horrible consequences (wet sheets?)?

Definitely time for O to go on vacation. We need it!!
Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 21, 2009

NOT NOW!!! NOT THIS TIME!!!


TT will not become a Twitterer.

We have shown ourselves weak in the past, slowly being seduced by technology's tentacles.

TT may have been the last person on earth go use an ATM. Now, we admit it, we couldn't survive without them and our cash card.

TT resisted the siren call of the cell phone for eons. We were determined not to be one of those obnoxious people invading our space (on the street, in planes, in restaurants) with their self important need to be constantly reachable. Indeed, we savoured the hours we were not reachable by phone. Now, the only time we remove our cell phone from around our neck is when we sleep.

TT swore we would never blog. Why give away our pearls of wisdom? We all know how that turned out.

TT procrastinated getting a laptop. What, so I can lug my work home and spend even more hours on stuff that is undervalued and underpaid? We are now on our 7th laptop and poised to replace it with something faster, sleeker, lighter................

And now comes Twitter. Enough. We are not going to Tweet. We don't want to know anyone who Tweets (a Twit). We fundamentally believe than no communication of any value can be done using 140 characters or less. Ridiculous.
Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 06, 2009

WORLD MOURNS

Comedians around the world are in mourning.

Not for the King of Pop but for the resignation of Sarah Palin as Governor of Alaska.

'Not since W and Darth Cheney has there been such great raw material', said Jerry Seinfeld. The sentiment was echoed by millions of people of the comedic pursasion.

However, TT feels quiet confidence that MooseWoman isn't leaving us - just responding to 'a higher calling'..................
Posted by Picasa